I am THAT parent. You know the one. I have literally read as much adoption literature as possible. The Connected Child (by Karen Purvis), Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child (by Patty Cogen), and many more. I read What to Expect: The Toddler Years. We subscribed to Adoptive Family Magazine and I poured over every issue (paper AND online). I followed blogs, websites, and had a terrific TERRIFIC group of fellow adoptive parents and adoption experts to call on. I mean - we HAVE resources people. But when all these resources and reality collides, were we prepared?????
In some ways, the answer is YES. We did not expect completely healthy well adjusted kids. We knew the reality of what they had been facing in their few short years. We had resources to help us to get them to the healthiest place possible. We are still working on that. It is a process, but we have come SO far. They have been tested and poked and poked some more. They have been vaccinated, taken developmental OT tests, had diet changes, and so much more. Not only have we been through all that - but we had to approach each test and shot with the idea that we are still developing bonds, and that we need our kiddos to continue to trust us. It was not an easy process for the kiddos or grownups, especially a hormonal pregnant Mama who cried right along with the kiddos.
We learned that Kab was really sick. Like REALLY sick. Honestly, I don't know what his life would have looked like if he had not been moved to the transition house that was run by our agency. He is a tiny little guy - but compared to where he began - he has grown leaps and bounds (five inches and five lbs to be exact). He has progressed SO much developmentally. He is
Etta is a little different. She is our free spirit - our independent soul - because she has had to be. She came home making her bed, putting her dishes away, and sweeping up after herself. She tested advanced for three - which we thought was AMAZING - until we realized that the reality of her actually being 3 is very slim. She has the teeth of a "five to six" year old according to our dentist. If you consider that she has been malnourished for most of her life, she should technically be behind with her dental progress. The next step in this process is to have her go through some more developmental testing - but guess what? They don't make a test for kiddos who speak a different language - so we are waiting a few more months until Etta has developed an even more extensive vocabulary. Let's talk about language for a second. She is AMAZING. She came here with no English skills. Now, you would NEVER know. She understands almost everything that we say to her, and is now beginning to express herself ALL.THE.TIME. As in - this girl LOVES LOVES to talk and yell and shout. I couldn't be more proud of her language progress. We have worked really hard to continue to use some Swahili words in hopes that Etta will continue to use them. She has even begun to tell us about her life in Africa. Her words are amazing and life changing and, help me to remember how very blessed we are to live in America. Overall, Etta is doing great. Overall. But lets get a bit deeper. This 3, 4, or 5 year old little girl has been taken away from everything and brought into a world where she has basically lived in a permanent state of "Christmas". But Christmas is over. She has been home three months. She is no longer greeted with gifts from everyone she meets. She has become comfortable with us - comfortable enough to begin to disagree with our boundaries and rules - comfortable enough to completely ignore certain important people in her life when they are not doing exactly what she wants. In some ways this is amazing. We have worked SO hard for this. In some ways it brings challenges. You can't approach an internationally adopted child in the way that you would a child that you have bonded with for years. You have to consider what they have been through. Any sort of punishment weighs even more heavily on your parent heart because you consider what they have potentially been through or seen in their past. So sweet Etta and her parents are learning how to work through these new challenges. We are getting there.
And now for a bigger challenge. There is a baby coming. SOON. Like in three or four weeks - ALL of our lives are going to change with another incredible blessing. In addition to preparing our sweet miracle, there is this added stress of making sure we are doing all we can to strengthen our bonds with our other two miracles. We have NO way of knowing how the kiddos will respond to Baby H - just as you would never know with biological siblings. We have read books, involved them in preparing for him, talked about it, etc. We are just praying that our bonds that we have worked SO super hard to create and strengthen will hold strong. We KNOW that Harrison is such an incredible blessing - A MIRACLE! So how could we not trust God to carry us through this next amazing phase of our lives as parents? Yes. We are aware that we probably won't sleep for the next two years of lives - and yes, we are aware that zero to three in four months is going to hold challenges. But this is the beautiful life that we have been gifted with - and we would have it NO OTHER WAY.
This is our family life verse for the year - Ephesians 3:20 - Now unto him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.
Blessings!
The Chalos Part of (almost) Five
(Three/Four weeks and counting)
