A Christmas Miracle

One year ago.  Where were you?  Me? I was sitting around dreaming about my new life with my sweet baby girl, Hadiya Claira Chalos.  Don't get me wrong - we went through an agonizing process of having to say no to a double referral because we felt that we "didn't have the money." hahahaha - Now I look back and laugh at what we thought.  We said no to the sweetest, most precious angel who is currently sleeping in the very next room, and will more than likely wake up tomorrow (as he does many days) with a big smile on his face, asking for his Mama.  But before he came home  - before our miracle money for Odette - we suffered a great loss.  On December 22, 2012, Claira didn't wake up.  She went to heaven.  Although there was great rejoicing at the pearly gates - this Mama and Papa lost their "first child."  It was gut wrenching and heart breaking.  However, this was our journey.  I believe that someone was needed to carry on her name - and so we were the lucky ones.  The ones who will always remember her face and name, and we will carry it with us forever.  Sometime after Claira passed away, and we were moving forward with the process - we realized that we should do more than just remember her.  We should DO something - change the lives of other orphans in her name.  So here we are.  We want to start something called Hadiya Claira's Stocking.  Every year, we hope that we can fill her stocking with so much goodness - with your help - that the lives of other orphans will be remarkably changed.  When we read the following story, we KNEW that this was to be the mission of HC's stocking this year.  PLEASE take a minute to read this adoptive families' story.  It is incredibly tragic - but we all know that great things can stem from tragedy - look at our growing family of (soon to be) FIVE.  

After you read this story, PLEASE consider pulling your family together and buying a piece for each family member.  Even ONE piece WILL make a difference.  Imagine what a Christmas miracle you could be a part of.  If you were apart of our miracle night, then you KNOW what it is to watch lives being changed in the moment.  We are so incredibly thankful for the amazing support that we have been given in each of you! We hope that you will share this on facebook, twitter, with your office - WHATEVER - let's just get these two kids to their (as Etta would call it) Nyumba - to their forever home.  

Here is the link.  May we forever remember this sweet girl who will live in our hearts and remind us that we can do amazing things together.  

http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/thesundermanfamilysadoptionstory/29510

Love,

The Chalos Party of (almost) Five 

Thoughts on sleep from an adoptive Mama.

Sleep is overrated. I mean - don't get me wrong - I love sleep! I am 26 weeks pregnant and so I really really love sleep. You know who isn't such a fan? My son, Kab. He is not a fan of curling up in his bed and enjoying a good nights rest. Well not independently anyway. Tonight as we attempted for third time to get him to sleep in his crib I realized a few things. Sleep is way more fun with the people you love. And this little boy - he hasn't had that opportunity. My heart breaks into about a million pieces when he begins to cry and cling to me in my attempt to give him his freedom to sleep alone. But this "gift" that we are giving him isn't so thoughtful. He has never had the advantage of being rocked and showered with songs every night in his comfy footy pjs with a lush crib waiting for him - filled with soft blankets and his puppy blanky- then waking up to those same loving arms the next day. How dare we assume that he wants to detach from the comfort of this mamas papas arms?!!? After all - every woman and man in his life has been inconsistent and has disappeared. Gone. How do I even begin to comfort that loss? I don't even have the fortitude to comprehend what that feels like to my 16 month old son. So for now I will hold him and love him and kiss him every day until one day he isn't afraid to go to sleep, because he knows we will be there. My sweet sweet boy. If only you knew a fraction of our love for you! Someday.
Until then - sleep is overrated - unless you are with the ones you love...

Photo dump - week one with the kiddos

One Week.

That is right. It has been one incredible week since our kiddos came home.  I could write about 1,000 different posts about everything - every emotion, every first, every challenge, every laugh.  But hey, I have two kiddos who are here to keep me busy, so I will not be regaling you with each and every detail.  I do however have time to give you the highlights of each day.

Saturday
Saturday I got up at 2:30 so that I could talk to my hubby who was boarding a plane to fly from Brussels to Washington, then I proceeded to get ready to hop on a plane.  I could NOT have made this trip if it weren't for one VERY special lady who donated a TON of airmiles to get me from Nashville to Washington DC.  Thank you special lady - who also happens to be one of my favorite, most hilarious women.  So - I flew from Nashville to Detroit (slight layover) and then to Washington.  I arrived in Washington about two hours prior to the my family's arrival - so I meandered about and tried VERY hard to NOT jump out of my skin.  I sat at the top of the stairwell, emotions at an all time high, waiting to see white hair (a sign that the Chalos family had arrived - thanks Mitch and Kim :) ).  Finally Mitch came riding up the escalator and bounded toward me with such a smile. We got a quick hug in, and he got out the camera just in time to catch my first interaction with the kids.  It was just incredibly surreal.  The two kids that I have waited for, prepared for, prayed for, cried for - were finally in my arms.  Etta was very smiley and happy.  She gave me a big "Hi Mama" to which I momentarily lost all control of every emotion.  My sweet Kab was pretty content for me to hold him and walk with him.  He let me hold him as we made our way to our flight.  I have to give BIG props to the amazing people that flew home with us - as well as the terrific flight attendant - all of whom gave up seats and rearranged so that we could sit together.  Kab and Etta both sat with me for the flight and slept.  They were amazing, and I am pretty sure every parent on that flight was envious of their behavior.  We arrived in Nashville to a crew of friends and family who had spent so many hours, days, and months praying these kiddos home.   It was incredible to see them all waiting for us at the gate. Etta was not as much of a fan, but she did pretty well considering there were many crazy people grinning and smiling and crying and being VERY "American".  One day they will look back on these videos and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that MANY people loved them before they ever stepped foot on US soil.

So what happened after the airport?????
Well...
We went home.  We ate dinner.  We went to bed.  Kab had his first major blowout.  Etta had her first unfortunate accidental meeting with the dogs.  Buttermilk biscuits were made AS A FAMILY and then devoured as a family.  Gigi and Papou returned to the rolling hills  miles of cornfields in Indiana.  Lolli, Alli, and Uncle returned to the big Peach.  And there we were - this family of four.  By family I mean two sets of strangers meeting and getting accustomed to each others nuances, likes, dislikes, language, food, etc... We have come so far since that first morning.  Etta even allows the dogs to be in the same room.  We are learning so much about each other.  Not every lesson that we have learned has been an easy one.  Kab wanted NOTHING to do with me once we got home.  He wanted his Papa.  Guys - even though I expected it and COMPLETELY understood why - it was tough.  I wanted him - both of them - to more than love me.  I wanted them to like me.  Remember how he let me hold him the whole day that we met?  Well he was in "coping mode", which we are pretty sure was his permanent state at the transition house.  Since those first days, he has learned to love his Mama - dare I say, even like her?  I made sure to ALWAYS be the one to feed him - because food makes him VERY happy.  He even reaches for me at times.  When he is super tired, he still wants Papa, but we are making progress.  Baby steps people.  Baby steps.  (Speaking of - did I mention that Kab took his first steps? AHHHH... It was amazing.) Etta on the other hand seemed to attach pretty quickly to me.  I think maybe my experience with EL kiddos has been a help in that area.  We communicate pretty well.  I LOVE to listen to her speak in Swahili - which she tends to do for LONG periods of time.  She is her mother's child after all. :)  We use gestures, basic English phrases, pictures, and when all else fails - google translator is my best friend.  Google translator is how I helped her to understand that she can't get out of her bed 9 times a night just because she wants to.  THANK YOU google translator!
Speaking of sleep - THAT has been a challenge.  Jet lag plus the transition to a new house complete with central heat and air, real beds, and noise has been an adjustment.  We are finally learning a good bedtime, what naps should be like, and how to make that happen.  Sleep is a work in progress.  That is probably been the biggest adjustment for Chad and me.  We LOVE to sleep.  I especially adore sleep now that I am 25 weeks pregnant.   Sleep does not always happen.  But hey - you make it work.  We try really hard to work as a team and take turns.  It has gotten MUCH easier since Kab has become accustomed to his Mama.  So sleep is beginning to return (for a few months anyway), which makes for a happy family.  There is SO much more to say, but this is a start.  Tomorrow I will do a photo dump of the kiddos this past week - and soon Chad will start blogging about his time in country.  You may even see a guest post from Gigi and Papou.  Until then, good night guys!


Talk to you soon!
Mama Chalos
(of The Chalos Party of Five, formally known as The Chalos Party of Four)

WELL.

The kiddos are HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Visit our facebook page and catch up on all the details. :)

http://www.facebook.com/groups/103190713171002/

We will be back to REALLY tell you about our trip real soon. As for now, we will be busy playing, bonding and loving on our kiddos.  

Talk to you soon!

The Chalos Party of Four Five :) 

Chad, Kristle, Odette, Kab, and Harrison (Coming in Feb. 2013) 

So. No. We haven't abandoned you. I promise.

We have gotten really busy with lots of exciting things - that OF COURSE we can't share right now.  But I promise.  As soon as we can, we will let you know! Just asking that you kick your prayers into high gear in the near future.

Update....

Well.  Not actually.  We wish.  Until then we are waiting waiting waiting for the kiddos visas to be issued.  Then we will officially become a party of four. AHHHH!!!! We won't be posting specific travel information, but I promise we will post when everyone is home safely! See you soon!

What to expect, when you are expecting...your friends to bring their adopted children home... Also known as "Hey - you are back from Africa, now what?"

I can't even BELIEVE that we get to present this post to you guys! It means that we are officially ONE PHONE CALL away from bringing our kiddos home.  We first have to say how INCREDIBLY blessed we feel by each of you.  The support that we have seen in the past year is nothing short of amazing.  You have helped us bring our children home.  Do you even  know.... Can you even BEGIN to fathom what a generous life altering gift you have bestowed upon us?  God is SO SO good.  He has worked through his people again and again to prove that his plans are perfect - that his people are generous - and that he is still in the miracle working business.  We have stayed awake so many nights, trying to put into words or come up with some way to thank you.  Yet, there are NO perfect words or actions.  So we will continue to share our story with you, and pray that you are seeing the beauty of our Lord at work.  So many of you (even after your extreme generosity) have asked about our plan when we arrive home as a party of four.  So we thought we would share.  Our attachment/bonding plan is something that we have studied INTENSELY over the past year. We have chosen to share a basic outline of what we expect life to be like when we get home - because we LOVE you and we WANT you to be a part of our kiddos' lives.  It just needs to be done in a certain way.  So here ya go....

Attachment -  (As defined in the FABULOUS BOOK, The Connected Child, by Karyn Purvis, David Cross (NO- Not the lovely Tobias Funke - all my fellow Arrested Development Fans), Wendy Lyons Sunshine) " The interpersonal bond between a child and his/her parent or caregiver".
"A child who felt consistently safe and nurtured by a reliable caretaker in early life, will become securely attached".  Consider this definition when thinking of your relationship with your children or even your parents.  What you have given to your infants is what we are trying to create with our adopted children - who are newcomers to our home, our life, our country, our language, etc...

Bonding: "The process that a child goes through in developing lasting emotional ties with it's immediate caregivers, which is seen as the first and most significant developmental task of a human being, and is central to that person's ability to relate properly to others throughout its life."  We are working on bonding with our children in order to create a healthy attachment.  

As a part of the bonding process, we are strictly following 

these well researched DO's and DON'Ts to

 ensure a strong and healthy attachment.  

Thank you for your understanding as we navigate this process.  

PLEASE DO....

*(Many of you have asked - so let's go ahead and address it)  We would LOVE your food.  LOVE your food.  The last thing that we want to do is leave our home to go to the grocery store - because leaving our home means that one of us has to leave the kiddos.  The grocery store is off limits for a bit.  (if you want more info on food - email my best friend - who has been the most incredible support through this time - she is going to organize it for us -  kchcj1011@gmail.com )
*Come over one night after our kids are asleep and sit with us on our patio. Let me tell you: we will probably be lonely in those early weeks. We are home, home, home, home, home. Good-bye, date nights. Good-bye, Girls Night Out’s. Good-bye, spontaneous anything. Good-bye, church. Good-bye, big public outings. Good-bye, nightlife. So please bring some community to our doorstep. Bring friendship back into our lives. Bring adult conversation and laughter. 
*Pray, Pray, Pray, Pray, Pray...We are well aware of our kiddos' medical conditions as they enter the country - as well as their emotional state.  The next few months hold many unknowns that we are placing in God's hands.  He has brought us SO far, and we know he will continue to carry us through whatever we face.  
*Text us- Facebook Us - Write us a letter... I mean - don't be mad if we don't respond immediately - or even the next day.  But you just have NO idea how far a small word of encouragement can carry you.   
*COME to the airport.  Please.  We want to see you.  You have been a HUGE part of this process.  But PLEASE keep in mind ALL of our do's and do not's.  

PLEASE DO NOT.....

* We mean this in the nicest way possible, but don’t come over for awhile (during day time hours). We are going to hole up in our homes with our little tribe and attempt to create a stable routine without a lot of moving parts. This is not because we hate you (trust us, we don't); it’s because we are trying to establish the concept of “home” with our sweet kiddos.  Lots of strangers coming and going will make them super nervous and unsure, especially strangers who are talking crazy language to them and trying to touch their hair. 

*Please do not touch, hug, kiss, or use physical affection with our kids for a few months. We absolutely know your intentions are good (and we VALUE your affections), but attachment is super tricky. They have had many caregivers, so when multiple adults continue to touch and hold them in their new environment, they become confused about who to bond with. This actually delays healthy attachment egregiously. Thank you so much for respecting these physical boundaries.

*Please do not disappear.  We need you just as much now as we have in the last year.  

*Thank you in advance for not making judgements about our parental decisions.  We are SURE that you make the BEST choices for your kids, and that is exactly what we are going to do.  Remember that our children have not had the life that yours have had - so we will be utilizing the research based adoptive family tools that we have been given.  Yes.  We can tell you right now that we will RESPOND to our children more frequently than you would respond to yours.  That is an adoption tool - and we are NOT afraid to use it. ;)  


Adoption is MUCH more than the process we have experienced in the past year.  It is a life long commitment to parenting our children in the best manner possible.  We are just SO thankful to have each of you in our lives to love, encourage, and model those Christlike virtues for our children.  Thank you for reading and adapting along with our family.  

Here is hoping we hear good news very soon! 


*Some of this blog has been taken from our FAVORITE BLOGGER - Jenn Hatmaker - This is the entire post.... http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village
Also - please note that our bonding definition was excerpted from "The Adoption Glossary"

Labor Day...No Seriously. Labor Day.

Guys.  We are counting down the weekends until the kiddos are home.  I mean seriously.  We are (fingers crossed) two/three weekends away from a house full of kiddos.  How insane is that????????????  But truly - we have A LOT to do.  A LOT.  This is where we turn into completely typical first time parents and realize that we have a to do list a mile long in order to get everything perfect for the kiddos.  So the fabulous Indiana parents traveled down to help us tackle our to do list.  

     First things first - the ATTIC.  If you had seen it - well - we definitely could have been an entertaining episode of  Hoarders.  You.Have.No.Idea.  And I am just going to say it.  My sweet, creative, adoring husband is Hoarder Numero Uno.  EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING has some sort of sentimental attachment. I lean a bit more to the left wing of Hoarding - meaning - Let's just throw it all away.  So thankfully the elder Chalos' stepped up to the plate and braved the brown recluse and whatever else was in the attic to clean and conquer.  It took two days, but we came away with an organized attic (THANK YOU MITCH CHALOS!!!!) AND some pretty special treasures.  Chad is an only child - and his parents are literally the MOST organized people I have ever met - so it came as NO surprise to find ALL of Chad's childhood toys, stuffed animals, games, school work, clothes, etc... stored in our attic.  They were all neatly labeled and super organized - we just found it under the grime and chaos of the other 130 boxes.  So lets just say that the kids have an AMAZING collection of vintage toys, books, riding "sneakers"  (Oh yeah - I said riding sneakers - as in a sneaker-shaped riding toy - perfectly "Kab-sized:") and best of all Trouble, the vintage riding horse on springs.  It was an epic two days.  We are THOROUGHLY exhausted - as are the elder Chalos' who are currently on their drive back home.  

     While the boys were combating the evil attic, the girls took a different, more civilized approach.  No headlamps, fans, gloves, blue jeans, or bug spray was needed.  We settled ourselves into the kid's room and finished packing.  We packed and labeled the kids items, a suitcase of donations for the transition house, a suitcase of must-haves for the Chalos clan, and even got out the stroller and attached tags to it.  Everything is packed and organized (minus Chad's clothes).  For those of you who don't know, I am staying behind (MAJOR sad face) BUT I will get to have an unlimited amount of time with them when they get home.  I will be flying to meet them when they enter the US so that we can all land on Nashville soil together.  It has been a really hard decision but for so many reasons, we know it is the right one.  So if you will, say a prayer for Chad and his parents (who will be accompanying him on this trip) - as they prepare to enter the DRC, and for our kids.  I am praying that they are anticipating us - that God is placing a tenderness in their small, sweet, innocent hearts for their parents - who have waited SO LONG to be united together with them.  Will you join me in that prayer?  

Kristle 

No Sleep Zone...

If you were to enter the Chalos household tonight, you would be entering the no sleep zone.  Want to know why?  Hello people.  Have you been reading??? Our embassy date is TOMORROW.  TOMORROW IS OUR EMBASSY DATE.  Our sweet kiddos will be "interviewed" along with our lawyer.  This is the last MAJOR date before we get the kiddos. It is vitally important for this day to go well.  So we covet your prayers tonight.  We are 6 hours behind Kinshasa time - so tonight is the time to pray because when you wake up tomorrow - they may have already had their meeting.  After tomorrow,  we are literally 3ish weeks from meeting our kids.  And here is what is better - we aren't the only ones with an embassy date tomorrow or in the days to come.  Our sweet adoptive bosom buddies are also holding their breaths for good news - because they have had or are days away from their embassy date.  So don't just say a prayer for sweet Kab and Etta - but pray for the many kiddos and families who are weeks away from becoming forever families.  Lots of sweet kiddos have incredible journeys beginning in the weeks ahead.  So thank you.  For your prayers and support and incredible love.  We are so close.

Love,
Kristle

The kids...

We got updates today on the kiddos.  

Etta - Etta is doing GREAT.  She is a skinny thing, but her smile can light up a room.  

See what I mean????  

Yes.  We sent her that dress.  They even messed up the initials but we sent it anyway.  Boy am I glad that we did.  She is about the cutest thing I have EVER seen.  And she has big eyes like her Mama. :) 

Kab - Our sweet Kab has been really sick with typhoid fever.  He is doing much better but is still pretty malnourished.  We can't wait to fatten him up when he gets home!!! :) Here is a picture of our sweet boy.  

ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is one of the books that we sent and part of two outfits that we sent.  

He is a little guy too - only 16 lbs.  But boy, isn't he adorable?

I am grinning.  From ear to ear.  :)  

That is all.  

Goodnight! 

(p.s. if they are this cute while they are awake, imagine how sweet they look right

 now - all tucked in their beds.) 

We have an Embassy Date people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

That means that on Aug. 27th, our representative will go in our place, and begin the process of getting the kiddos out of the country.  After that day, the embassy will investigate to make sure that Kab and Etta are true orphans.  After their investigation, they will turn our case over to the FINAL officials who will give Etta and Kab an exit letter.  We are told that usually the investigation takes about 2 or three weeks.  Once their exit letter is issued - its Up Up and Away - and home to good ole Tennessee - just in time for pumpkins and cool breezes and falling leaves and BOILED PEANUTS and FOOTBALL.  Seriously.  It is my favorite time of year.  And you people who are making fun of the football reference - just you wait - we are going to be die hard. ;)   Right now, we are hoping you join us in praying that the embassy appointment goes well - that the investigation is completed in a timely and efficient manner.  It's happening people.  We.Can't.Wait.  Stay tuned for the blog posts to follow.  You won't want to miss them! I promise. :)

Oh by the way... 

Here is an ADORABLE pic of our kiddos.  They are both super smiley and seem to REALLY LOVE suckers.  

Talk to you soon!

Kristle

Buttermilk biscuits and sweet tea

Yes.  It is a Saturday in the very early morning hours.  And I am awake.  Somehow my body did NOT get the memo that it only needs to wake up this early Monday through Friday.  I tried to convince it, but after 30 minutes of trying to lie still and breathe slowly - it was no use.  So I got up and of course the first thing that I thought of (like so many other days) was the kiddos.  It is currently 12:49pm in Kinshasa.  I have spent so much time in my own head - just imagining what life is like for them - it almost seems crazy when we get real information.  Currently they are in Kinshasa with their friends.  Lots of their sweet friends.  And they are having fun.  How do we know?  Take a look at our sweet girls face...

There is NO denying that she is smiling.  For real this time.  So basically she is hanging out and being well taken care of.  It makes my heart so happy to know - and it is so crazy that I can actually imagine her in this place.  And it is real.  And we have visuals.  :)  Let's not leave out the sweet little man - no smile - but boy is he getting big!

I mean seriously.  LOOK at those legs.  Sigh.  They are so skinny and so cute.  I think he could most definitely surpass his Mama and Daddy in height.  

So now we have real pictures - but it gets even better - because ANY DAY NOW we will be finding out an embassy date.  This is one of the final steps in getting our kiddos home. That means someday soon - we will have an idea of when we get to travel TO GET OUR KIDDOS.  

That seems insane.  It seems that we have waited so long. When you have such a long wait, reality seems further away sometimes.  But not today.  Because we are going to get our kiddos.  Soon.  

So now I am beginning to REALLY imagine life with our kiddos here at home.  I can't wait to introduce them to all sorts of things- but one is at the top of my priority list.  My family grew up eating every Saturday breakfast together.  Not in front of the tv.  Not at McDonalds.  We ate around the table together.  In our PJs.  (Well just my Mom, sis, and I - My Dad stuck more to his everyday uniform of light shirt and dark bottoms)  Every Saturday without fail my Mom would whip up the MOST AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS batch of buttermilk biscuits.  Its seems appropriate to use a little southern vernacular here.  Ya'll - they are so scrumptious. (insert a little Paula Dean accent and we are good to go)

  They are fluffy.  They melt in your mouth.  Our Saturday morning biscuits were usually accompanied by a heaping pile of bacon (I mean seriously - who has anything bad to say about bacon?) Finally we topped it all of with a big glass of Sweet tea.  That's right folks.  I grew up drinking sweet tea for breakfast.  As much as I may differ from my southern friends - I have to dig down to my roots and appreciate the goodness of southern breakfast.  SO.  I have been practicing.  I have been imagining.  How cute will Etta's face be when she eats her first homemade southern biscuit?  (Here's hoping she will appreciate the goodness of southern cooking like her Mama.) How hilarious will Kab be with his first sip of sweet tea?  Now don't worry folks - I am not saying that they will eat or drink like this every day.  I am in fact a little bit of a green hippy Mama when it comes to our every day food.  But I just have to say that I can't wait for Saturdays.  

They are going to be SO much fun with those two kiddos.  

So keep praying us through this red tape.  Keep praying for a little more funding for our travel.  We are so close.  It seems unbelievable but it is real. And thanks for keeping up with our story.  It is really only just beginning. :)

Hopefully I will write soon.  To give you specific details.  Because we are GOING TO GET OUR KIDS. 

Blessings,

The Chalos Party of Four

Big Weekend...

So exciting things are happening.

  At some point in the next few days, probably this weekend, our kiddos will be flying from their current location to Kinshasa.  They will be leaving behind the home that they have known, the care takers that have loved them, and their Aunt who will forever be connected to them.  I can't imagine how hard it is for their foster family and Aunt - but especially for our sweet little innocent kiddos.  As much as we are thrilled that they are headed to their final destination before we are all united, we are saddened by the difficulty that the next few days will hold for our kiddos.  Also, the airlines are somewhat unpredictable in Congo, so we are anxiously awaiting a phone call/email to say that they have arrived safely.  So this weekend - say a prayer for our kiddos, along with several others who will be leaving the life they have known behind.  They have no idea of the beauty that is in store.

Pray for safety and peace for their new adventure.  

We can't wait to love on these sweet kiddos.  They are getting so big.  

Have a good weekend!!!
Kristle 

The Dry Season...

We are in a dry season.  There is little to no rainfall.  The water is drying up.  The hope is dwindling.  We are trying.  Trying to hang in there.  It is hard, you guys.  Really hard.  We are trusting people we have NEVER met to help us bring our kiddos home.  As terrific as they may be, that doesn't ease the pain of the process.  The bills keep coming but with no news.  We just keep breathing - hoping THAT breath and prayer will get us through that moment.  We feel like we are drowning in the pool of adoption emptiness - it is filled with worry and sadness and even anger sometimes.  So. Will you say an extra prayer for us tonight?  Pray for a renewal.  We TRUST in God.  He is just SO incredible and has such a plan.  But people affect our process - so pray that the wrong ones get out of the way so that the right ones can move this process along.  Pray for our family.  This is VERY difficult for all of us.  It is hard for our family to watch us hurting and to trust with us.   Pray for healing and hope for us all.  Thanks guys.

June Update

Yes.  We are still here guys.  Sorry we haven't blogged in awhile.  We were holding out in hopes that something wonderfully exciting might happen.  Unless you are as excited about my latest IKEA trip as I am -  we will probably not leave you brimming with smiles and jumping for joy.  We.Are.Waiting.  That is where we are in this process.  We will be waiting for a while.  Right now, our paperwork is sitting in Washington awaiting new Kinshasa approved birth certificates for the kiddos.  Once those arrive, then we will file a VERY important paper with the US Embassy - requesting that we can bring our kiddos home.  Once those papers are approved (pray pray pray pray pray that they are read and completed in a very timely manner), then we can apply for an Embassy date in Kinshasa.  After our embassy date, they do a final investigation and approval.  Then we finalize an DGM appointment - that means we can GO GET OUR KIDDOS.  So if you are a prayer warrior and I KNOW that SO many of you are - please pray for God's perfect timing in all of this.  We are so hoping that we will be traveling in August or early September.  We had hoped that we would be finished fundraising, but travel costs seem to be adding up - so be on the lookout for our final (like really the LAST one) fundraising information.


Finally, we attending a great adoption class last night on bonding and attachment. We were reminding of so much important information when it comes to bonding.  Many of this things, a non adoptive parent has never had to consider because they bonded with their biological kids from the time they were infants.  This is a GREAT blog addressing some of those bonding things.  If you have a minute, take some time.  Read it.  Especially if you are a part of our lives.  We want you to truly understand what the next few months hold.

http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village

Yes. I have posted it before.  Because IT.IS.FABULOUS.  So take a minute when you have time.  My fellow adoptive families - this is PERFECT to send to your family and friends who are a part of your daily lives. :) 

Ok.  That is it for today.  Have a TERRIFIC week.  Maybe there will be an OVER THE MOON EXCITING blog post soon.  Or maybe we will wait awhile.  

Blessing,

The Chalos Party of Four :) 

So when are those kids coming home.....

Weeellll.  I certainly wish I could answer that guys.  I really truly do.  But I can't.  I can tell you that we are getting closer.  I can tell you our agency is doing EVERYTHING within their control to help get our kiddos home.  Tonight we got the lovely news that our kiddos are officially ours - as in "CHALOS" babies.

That is cause for great cheers, parties, balloons being released, etc.... But alas, that does not mean we can hop on a plane and fly right over to get them.  There are several processes that we need to complete.   Chad and I will be keeping our feet firmly planted on American soil for the summer.

We are bummed. beyond bummed really.   

Needless to say, we are in NEED of some fun - Some seriously laugh until you cry kind of fun.  So I have started a summer "advent"ure calendar - some of the activities include.... zoo, movies in the park, LOTS of drive in movies, a WHOLE day in my pjs, Girls Day (homemade pedi's, facials, ridiculous romantic movies, etc...), church softball (I will NOT be playing - just watching), a trip or two with my favorite girls to IKEA, alphabetize my classroom library(only my teacher friends will appreciate this one), music in the park, Pool time (like every morning from 10-12), day trip to Chattanooga, organize all crafting materials (lets be honest, that could take ALL summer)...Can you think of anything we can add to our list? Also, keep us in your prayers - Pray for the people who will soon be receiving our paperwork, for short red tape, for our kids - health, safety, and happiness.  Thank you.  We KNOW you are there.  We feel COMPLETELY unworthy of your love and support.  But boy are we SO glad that you are!!!!!

Love ya!
The OFFICIAL Chalos Party of Four

Saying Goodbye

So I really truly have the most amazing first grade class EVER.  I have had the amazing blessing to loop from Kindergarten to First Grade with them.  BUT as they say - all good things must come to an end.  We are rounding the corner to my last week with these sweet kids.  These faces have been the faces that have carried me through.  We have gotten to learn, grow, and love together.  I look forward to seeing their sweet faces everyday! I miss them when I am not with them.  Their parents are amazing.  They have allowed me to love their kiddos.  And I do.  I love them.  These sweet grins, silly laughs, tender hearts have gotten me through these last two years.  When I was missing my sweet Etta and Kab, they filled my day with sweet happy memories and helped me forget for a little while.  So I will probably shed a tear or two in the coming days.  I have been given the gift of two beautiful years with my 22 kiddos.  I can't wait to see what amazing things they do with their lives.  I am so proud of their accomplishments.  I will miss them every day.  

Mother's Day

Last week, I looked upon my sweet sweet first grade friends' faces as they created their Mother's Day gifts.  Their eyes were filled with excitement and innocence.  They could NOT WAIT to sneak into their Mother's room early on Sunday morning (and by sneak - I mean wake their moms up with giggles and stomping) and have them open their gift.  Their sweet view of Mother's Day is one that many adults still have:  Innocence, gifts, celebrations, extra love and hugs, mothers and their children.  Yet as I have grown, I have been introduced to a new perspective on Mother's Day.  Now I see that sweetness - but I also see grief, hurt, loneliness, sadness, tears, heartache, anger - from some of the most amazing women I know.  Women who can no longer hide behind that innocent childhood view of Mother's Day - Women who have been devastated by their loss - angered by what has yet or never may be - and women who spend many days missing their best friend who has been taken from them to soon.  So I will spend this week thinking of these women - praying for them - and knowing that with these lessons - comes a choice.  I love this quote I read this week....

"You can't change what happens to you in life, but you can certainly change who you become after you go through it."




I choose to attempt to become better.  To love with more passion.  To truly try not to sweat the small details.  To trust God in the midst of whatever and wherever life may take me.  I choose to remember those sweet fingers and toes that I never got to touch.  To believe that she is in such a perfect place with so many other sweet friends who joined her before we were ready.  I choose to be grateful EVERY DAY for the mother who loved Odette and Kab - who carried them and took care of them in ways that I NEVER could. I will forever try to love them to the heights and depths of love with which she loved them.  


What do you choose today?


Blessings,
Kristle 

Blessings

Today has been a terrible horrible no good very bad day.  So in the midst of dealing with an icky stomach virus that I contracted through my very sweet kiddos - I decided to air my grievances with life today. We found out last week that there were errors in some of our paperwork, so we are in the waiting process of getting those errors corrected.  What that means is that it is taking a little longer to get through this process.  The bottom line for us - the hardest part for us - is that it pretty much guarantees that  we will miss our kids birthdays.  We will miss celebrating Etta's three sweet years of life, and we will in fact miss Kab's first birthday.   Although there was no guarantee before, it is offical now.  That is pretty stinky.  There aren't really words that can tell you how very bummed we are.  I mean - I am in a funk. I know.  I thought about going on and on about what stinks in our life right now But. Here is the thing.  As I was writing, I felt a conviction so strong. I stopped writing for a few minutes and began to read about the lives of many in Africa - about their suffering - their lack of medical services, food, clean water, etc.

My life - as icky as it seems today- is so full of blessings.  So instead of a list of frustrations, I decided to create my list of blessings.

 Here are just a few...

1.  I serve a God who cares for me more than I can ever imagine.  

2.  I have the most incredible husband - who just happened to graduate college this weekend.  That's right people - he worked full time, completed all adoption paperwork, AND finished a degree.
3. In addition to my husband, I am so blessed with family members who have been and continue to be supportive.  They listened to every ache and groan in the darkest infertility years - they hugged us and helped us through every hard decision that had to be made - they rejoiced with us and celebrated the new calling on our lives.  They have supported this adoption process in every way possible.
4. We have an ENORMOUS support system.  Seriously.  YOU.HAVE.NO.IDEA.  I can easily count on my hands and feet (PLUS SOME) the number of people who are truly emotionally invested in this journey with us.  Our friends have become our family.  They will be Kab and Etta's family.
5.  There is food - an abundance of food.  We never have to worry about what we will eat.
6.  I have my doctor, dentist, chiropractor,etc... on speed dial.  I can get in touch with any of them with a single call.  That is just incredible.
7.  We are healthy.
8.  We have puppies that we can cover in love and hugs and kisses at any time.
9.  We do not have to worry about our roof caving in at any moment.  It is strong and steady and was built on a strong foundation.
10.  Two Jobs.  That is more than many even here in America have.  I need to remember that more often.

So.  That is just the beginning.  My blessings are overflowing. So I just need to read this list over and over and over and over.  When you see us - help us remember our incredible blessings.  But please don't dismiss the frustration that can be a part of this process.  We are just trying to make it one day at a time.  One more second, minute, hour - means one closer to giving our sweet kiddos a life in which they are able to count their blessings in abundance.

Blessings,
Kristle

One day

Today only - our very sweet friend Brenda is donating all proceeds from her Mary Kay sales to our adoption. So visit this site and stock up on your favorite products.... http://www.marykay.com/brendalandin/whatsnew/default.aspx

Thanks guys!!!

The LAST one...

This is it guys.  This is our last fundraiser.  Can I even express how AMAZINGLY FREEING it feels to type that?  We haven't met our goal quite yet - but we have GREAT faith that God is going to take care of us - just like he has every single step of our way.  We are expecting TREMENDOUS things to come of this fundraiser. 

So - as you know - we are two weeks away from a VERY special day...Let me give you a hint...

Yes.  That is right.  Mother's Day is quickly approaching.  For the second year in a row, we are having our Mother's Day Adoption Fundraiser.  This year we will be selling cake pop bouquets and Ugandan Necklaces.  

It is the perfect combination - chocolate and jewelry - PLUS the money goes towards helping our kiddos fly from Lubumbashi to their forever home.  

A bouquet of 6 cake pops and 1 Ugandan necklace can be purchased for $30.00.  

  

Cake pops + Beautiful Necklace = Happy Mommas

We will be taking orders until May 2nd.  We also have a limited amount of solid red BEAUTIFUL magazine necklaces as well as the multi-colored necklaces.  We will also be selling cake pop bouquets (six cake pops) for $10.00.  Message me on facebook OR email us at thechalosadoptionjourney@gmail.com.   We will take payment upon delivery.  

Will you help us spread the word?  

Thanks!!! 

The Chalos Family 

We are up to ours ears in Chakula...

Tonight we embarked on a venture that I have been wanting to try for quite some time. We, along with some pretty fabulous friends, had an African feast. It was super yummy. We have been looking for recipes that we could include as part of our weekly cooking when the kiddos get home, in hopes that they might find some comfort in something familiar. We instructed friends to come with an open mind and fresh palate. I have to say that we are super impressed that all friends tried at least one dish - and what is even more impressive - the night didn't end like that scene in Bridesmaids ( you know the one). So here are a few pics of preparing the food. I am sad to say that by the time we finished cooking - we were so hungry - we forgot to take any photos. Oh well - we can def make some of these happen again. Oh - the menu was: African chicken peanut stew, Chakalaka (vegetarian bean dish) Kuku Paka (chicken in coconut curry sauce), brown rice and quinoa, flat bread, plantain chips, fresh mango

The Big Reveal

We did it! 

The room is finished!!! (loud clapping and cheers commence)  

Well - let's be honest.  We will be tweaking things until they are home.  But we thought that since it will probably only look like this for this very brief moment in time, we would share. So enjoy.

  

Surreal.

     That is how the Chalos family feels for now.  On Friday, we received word that our papers had completed their time in the court.  They had received all necessary stamps and signatures.  WOO HOO!!! That means that now our facilitator will be working to gather our kiddos' passports and other important documents.  Once those documents are in his hands, our embassy appointment will be scheduled.  That means - WE ARE BRINGING OUR KIDDOS HOME!!!! It is really happening.  Sooner than we even imagined.  We are beyond elated.  We are just praising God for his perfect timing in our life - for his abundant blessings - for his never ending grace.  

    Today we spent a lovely relaxing time shopping yard sales, children's stores, and (my personal favorite) Essex for our kids.  It was SO.MUCH.FUN! Of course now my mind is going bananas.  Some would call this nesting.  I would call it nesting on crack.  We have done so much along the way, but no amount of preparation can stop a Mama from obsessing over the cleanliness of the house/making sure we have what they need/becoming expert on all things Africa -  which can lead to an extended time of mopping, dusting, washing the windows, 2 am blog readings,  strapping our furry loves, dolls and even friend's kids into the car seat that we just bought - just to make sure it is safely installed, etc.... Although that may sound like the makings of a lunatic - it is actually the joy and excitement of a family who has waiting so long to bring their kiddos home.  So if by some chance, I text you at three in the morning asking what type of detergent you use to wash your kids clothes, please give me a little grace, laugh with me, and join in our joy.  :) 

Oh and don't forget to come out and eat LOTS of chicken and ice cream on Wednesday. (seriously I am NOT joking about the ice cream.  It is DELICIOUS and you get a TON.)    

Much love,

The Happy Chalos' :) 

"Fun"d Raising

Howdy friends and family!  Chad here with a guest post on the ole' blog.  It's spring time and that means it's time for us to shake the proverbial dust off of our fund raising shoes and get to work.  We are excited to tell you that during the entire month of April you can join us at the Hermitage Chic-Fil-a located at 305 Old Lebanon Dirt Rd. Hermitage, TN. 37076 from 5-8 p.m. to help us bring our kids home!  Attached to this post you will find a jpeg. Download said jpeg and bring it with you when you stop by for some delicious food and family time.  You can present the flyer to the friendly staff member behind the counter or at the drive-thru window and they will make sure Chic-fil-a donates a portion of your meal cost to our adoption.  How great is that?!?!  You get food, we get closer to bringing our kids home, and we all get to be a part of something bigger than ourselves.

So remember the following steps:
1. Download the attached jpeg. (each document comes with 6 flyers
so bring everyone you know. . . Seriously, tell everyone.  You can even use it at the drive-thru).
2. Print off the page and cut out the flyers
3. Bring those flyers with you when you come to the Hermitage Chic-fil-a
 Wednesday nights in April between 5-8 and present them with your meal payment.

Thank you so much for your continued support!  You are so amazing!

Chad

We are white.

I have sat down so many times to attempt to express my feelings on interracial adoption.  Here's the thing.  I can't.  I can't tell you how many prayers I have prayed that God will equip us with every word, hug, kiss, love that they need.  There are hard choices that we WILL make in order ensure a loving environment where Kab and Etta feel accepted.  There is really no way I can describe the feelings I have when I think about my kiddos as they grow.  It breaks my heart to think about the assumptions that will be made, especially about my sweet Kab as he grows up.  The words just don't exist for me.  The feelings do.  Jen Hatmaker (MY MOST FAVORITE BLOGGER) wrote a perfect blog today in response to the recent shooting.  When I am at a loss for words, she more than makes up for them.  I honestly tried to simply quote my favorite parts - but I find that just impossible.  SO here is the entire blog...



Dear Treyvon's Mom....
My name is Jen Hatmaker. I’m super white. I even have blue eyes. My hair was snow blonde then it was dirty brown and now it’s gray but I color it so who even knows anymore? (I’m sorry. I overshare when I’m nervous.) My husband and I cranked out three carbon copies of us.Look at us. We were the poster family for white people.
I grew up in the lower middle class. In my early years, we lived in racially diverse cities. I was the only white girl in my second grade class in Little Rock, Arkansas, a fact I was oblivious to, because you get the luxury of being oblivious when you’re seven. I lived in south Louisiana, where there is every shade of skin color under God’s yellow sun. But I logged my formative middle and high school years in Wichita, Kansas…Haysville, Kansas to be exact. Pretty much total white bread.


I nonchalantly enjoyed my white privileges my entire adult life, one of those people who said “racism is dying” and “things are different now” and “we’re colorblind” and casual ignorance like that. I gushed and over-loved any black people in my life, of which there were very few; none in a real relationship with me that wasn’t exaggerated and a little contrived and over-zealous.
But then we decided to adopt two children from Ethiopia, and in November 2010, as I was shopping for their very first care package to send over, I was standing in the middle of the Target toy aisle, and I sent out this SOS text:


Where are all the black baby dolls?
I sat down in the middle of Target and cried my eyes out.


How did I never notice this? How was this my first sense of outrage over this discrepancy? How could I have yammered about the end of racism and “a fair system” when evidence to the contrary was staring me in the face every single day?






Sybrina, please envision me getting down on my knees in front of you, this white mama, and asking you to forgive me. I never understood the systemic racism that persists in this country, because I didn’t have to. The system is structured to grant me privileges and power through no merit of my own; simply by virtue of my skin color. This same system denies and protects this oppressive hierarchy, conditioning white people to not even see it.






We don’t get followed around in the store by suspicious security.






We don’t get singled out or searched by policemen.






The bandaids in Walmart all match our skin color.






The children’s section in the bookstore is full of covers with white kids.






If I ask to speak to a manager, he or she is usually white, like me.






And our sons don’t get murdered walking down our own street holding Skittles.






So because these things didn’t happen to me, I ignorantly assumed they were not happening to you. I casually consumed my white privileges – these unearned assets that granted me the benefit of the doubt and free passes and guaranteed security and permanent insider status – assuming that anyone else, anyone, could enjoy these same advantages by making good choices and working hard.






But it is simply not true, because the same system that keeps me on top keeps you on bottom. If anyone is automatically granted insider status, by definition that means someone has outsider status. We see this when a black student or man or woman accomplishes something extraordinary, and they are called “a credit to their race.” If a white person pulled off the same thing, he would just be called awesome. You have to work harder for acknowledgment, and then singling it out as an exception to the rule diminishes and demeans your merit.


I didn’t know about the Black Male Code, because I didn’t have to. I had the luxury of knowing my sons would breeze through applications and security lines and entrance exams and interviews, receiving unmerited approval at the first glance.


But then I got this son. And my heart was seized in terror. Because everyone loves my Ben right now. Who wouldn’t? He’s eight and the size of a first grader. He’s adorable and silly. His Ethiopian accent is the cutest thing that has ever entered your ears. He’s writing stories about “A Dog as the President” and he wears and a helmet and kneepads when he skates. He watches Power Rangers.
But I’m learning what is going to happen six years from now, Sybrina. People will start to suspect him for no reason, or train a watchful eye on him at the mall, or fear him. He may ask a white girl to prom, one he has gone to school with since these innocent years, and get his heart crushed when her daddy forbids it. He will have to be careful in public with his friends, as the most innocent activity will likely be interpreted as threatening…like walking down the street with candy and tea in his own neighborhood.


I have grieved endlessly for your son. I just keep trying to make sense of it, and sense won’t come. There is simply no sense in this injustice. You don’t get to murder a teenage boy because you’re paranoid and suspicious of him. You don’t get to do that. Would this have happened if Trayvon was a white kid named Troy? Would he have been viewed with the same fear? Will our black sons ever escape this treacherous plight and just be free to be children?


I’m ashamed that I haven’t seen or cared about this inequity until I had black kids under my roof, Sybrina. I’m so sorry. I would completely understand if you dismissed my solidarity here, because just two years ago I claimed America was a post-racial country, and that is a sorry state of willful ignorance. Neglecting the hard, important conversations about race, justice, ignorance, and inequity until I literally had skin in the game is appalling, and if you reject my concern now, I wouldn’t blame you.


But if you’ll have me, I’d like to stand with you.
I’d like to link arms and stand up for our black sons and daughters, calling the system so wrought with disparities to reform. I want to engage these challenging discussions with respect and commitment to one another, because I can no longer be complicit in the battle against equity.

We’re going to have to work hard here, because it’s tempting to make sweeping statements and unfair generalities. It's easy to say things are all bad or all good or never this or always that, and that's not true and won't get us far. Both of our races are wrought with fools and charlatans and bigots; none of us are perfect and this is complicated. It’s going to take respect and humility to navigate this well, to begin pulling the threads to unravel such an entrenched system. But I want to start here, with you:
I see Trayvon.

I know he wasn’t a perfect kid. He probably opened up a sassy mouth to you and whined about chores. His room might have been a pigsty no matter how much you fussed at him (but with a face like that, I’m sure he got away with it). Like all seventeen-year-old sons, he probably drove you crazy sometimes, pushing against the boundaries barely holding him back from young adulthood, anxious to spread his wings. But he was the son of your heart and he mattered and he deserved life.

I am devastated it was stolen.
Please know that as for me, I promise to do the hard work and ask the hard questions and enter the difficult places to turn the tides for my son and all the black sons, and I grieve that it is too late for yours. I hope the national outcry for Trayvon has comforted you; so many of us see him. We are hungry for a better world where our boys can walk down the street unafraid and unfeared.
Please accept my hand; I stand with you, two moms demanding more for our sons. I am sorry you’ve lost Trayvon, my sister. I’m so very sorry. May his legacy help us move into a wider space together, tearing down walls and stereotypes and fear and building communities where we truly love our neighbor once again.
All my love to you.

 
 
This is the overwhelming reality that awaits my sweet Kab and so many others.  If nothing else, I just hope and pray that so many others eyes will be opened to the truth, and that we can join to fight for a paradigm shift. 
 
                                 Here are some INCREDIBLY important links. 
 
http://www.jenhatmaker.com/blog/2012/03/26/dear-trayvons-mom
http://razingdawn.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-black-son-cant-take-your-white.html
http://news.yahoo.com/trayvon-martin-son-black-male-code-135710728.html
 
 
I won't even begin to share the ridiculous comments that we have had the privilege to respond to.  You.would.be.surprised.  We know it's just beginning.  This is real.  This is appalling.  I have to insert though, that we are just SO incredibly proud and blessed to be supported by a family and a church that are so in love with our kids already.  And not just our kids, but people in general.  People of any color, height, weight, gender, etc... I have already seen an incredible outpouring of love and joy within our small community.  It is beautiful.  We need more of that. 
 
 
Blessings,
Kristle
 
P.S. This was a hard one to write.  People don't want to hear about racism anymore.  They don't want to see the sickness that exists in our world.  But, it needed to be said.  So. There it is.  Thank you for being a part of something SO much bigger than either of us.  Its pretty incredible, isn't it?

Its funny how things work out...

So this week I am on SPRING BREAK!!! - Well. Kind of.  Although, honestly I have dreaded it - I signed up to teach for this week of intersession.  I am teaching third grade reading, fourth grade math, and fifth grade math.  I wish you could have seen my major fails today - I mean - I am only a first grade teacher - with five years of Kindergarten experience on my side so 3-5 is a totally different world for me.  Can I tell you how much FUN I actually had with these kids today?  I can tell already that it is going to be such a terrific experience and TOTAL blessing. PLUS I can contribute an extra chunk to the Chalos adoption fund!  Woo Hoo!!  Here is the better news.  We received an email today that said we have a court date on WEDNESDAY IN CONGO.  What does that even mean, you ask? Well - it means that once we pass court and wait 30 days - those kiddos ARE OURS in the eyes of the DRC.  Yeah!!! Here is a breakdown of what will probably happen next.  Please remember that the times listed are ONLY estimates.  We are trying to remember that anything can happen.

 Adoptions finalized in DRC (this week or next)

I-600 is processed and approval is received (4-12 weeks)

Wait for the Embassy appointment dates to arrive (6-8 weeks)

We travel!!!!!!!

Hip, hip, hooray!!!! Finally we get to snuggle and love and kiss and hug those sweet babies. 

So what we are asking is that on Wednesday, please say a little prayer for anyone involved in the process of reading/approving our paperwork.  Thank you for your relentless support.  I know we say it every time, but we would not be able to have come this far without all of you. 

We are super pumped.  Hope you are too!!!

Love,

The Chalos (very soon to be) party of four