What to expect, when you are expecting...your friends to bring their adopted children home... Also known as "Hey - you are back from Africa, now what?"

I can't even BELIEVE that we get to present this post to you guys! It means that we are officially ONE PHONE CALL away from bringing our kiddos home.  We first have to say how INCREDIBLY blessed we feel by each of you.  The support that we have seen in the past year is nothing short of amazing.  You have helped us bring our children home.  Do you even  know.... Can you even BEGIN to fathom what a generous life altering gift you have bestowed upon us?  God is SO SO good.  He has worked through his people again and again to prove that his plans are perfect - that his people are generous - and that he is still in the miracle working business.  We have stayed awake so many nights, trying to put into words or come up with some way to thank you.  Yet, there are NO perfect words or actions.  So we will continue to share our story with you, and pray that you are seeing the beauty of our Lord at work.  So many of you (even after your extreme generosity) have asked about our plan when we arrive home as a party of four.  So we thought we would share.  Our attachment/bonding plan is something that we have studied INTENSELY over the past year. We have chosen to share a basic outline of what we expect life to be like when we get home - because we LOVE you and we WANT you to be a part of our kiddos' lives.  It just needs to be done in a certain way.  So here ya go....

Attachment -  (As defined in the FABULOUS BOOK, The Connected Child, by Karyn Purvis, David Cross (NO- Not the lovely Tobias Funke - all my fellow Arrested Development Fans), Wendy Lyons Sunshine) " The interpersonal bond between a child and his/her parent or caregiver".
"A child who felt consistently safe and nurtured by a reliable caretaker in early life, will become securely attached".  Consider this definition when thinking of your relationship with your children or even your parents.  What you have given to your infants is what we are trying to create with our adopted children - who are newcomers to our home, our life, our country, our language, etc...

Bonding: "The process that a child goes through in developing lasting emotional ties with it's immediate caregivers, which is seen as the first and most significant developmental task of a human being, and is central to that person's ability to relate properly to others throughout its life."  We are working on bonding with our children in order to create a healthy attachment.  

As a part of the bonding process, we are strictly following 

these well researched DO's and DON'Ts to

 ensure a strong and healthy attachment.  

Thank you for your understanding as we navigate this process.  

PLEASE DO....

*(Many of you have asked - so let's go ahead and address it)  We would LOVE your food.  LOVE your food.  The last thing that we want to do is leave our home to go to the grocery store - because leaving our home means that one of us has to leave the kiddos.  The grocery store is off limits for a bit.  (if you want more info on food - email my best friend - who has been the most incredible support through this time - she is going to organize it for us -  kchcj1011@gmail.com )
*Come over one night after our kids are asleep and sit with us on our patio. Let me tell you: we will probably be lonely in those early weeks. We are home, home, home, home, home. Good-bye, date nights. Good-bye, Girls Night Out’s. Good-bye, spontaneous anything. Good-bye, church. Good-bye, big public outings. Good-bye, nightlife. So please bring some community to our doorstep. Bring friendship back into our lives. Bring adult conversation and laughter. 
*Pray, Pray, Pray, Pray, Pray...We are well aware of our kiddos' medical conditions as they enter the country - as well as their emotional state.  The next few months hold many unknowns that we are placing in God's hands.  He has brought us SO far, and we know he will continue to carry us through whatever we face.  
*Text us- Facebook Us - Write us a letter... I mean - don't be mad if we don't respond immediately - or even the next day.  But you just have NO idea how far a small word of encouragement can carry you.   
*COME to the airport.  Please.  We want to see you.  You have been a HUGE part of this process.  But PLEASE keep in mind ALL of our do's and do not's.  

PLEASE DO NOT.....

* We mean this in the nicest way possible, but don’t come over for awhile (during day time hours). We are going to hole up in our homes with our little tribe and attempt to create a stable routine without a lot of moving parts. This is not because we hate you (trust us, we don't); it’s because we are trying to establish the concept of “home” with our sweet kiddos.  Lots of strangers coming and going will make them super nervous and unsure, especially strangers who are talking crazy language to them and trying to touch their hair. 

*Please do not touch, hug, kiss, or use physical affection with our kids for a few months. We absolutely know your intentions are good (and we VALUE your affections), but attachment is super tricky. They have had many caregivers, so when multiple adults continue to touch and hold them in their new environment, they become confused about who to bond with. This actually delays healthy attachment egregiously. Thank you so much for respecting these physical boundaries.

*Please do not disappear.  We need you just as much now as we have in the last year.  

*Thank you in advance for not making judgements about our parental decisions.  We are SURE that you make the BEST choices for your kids, and that is exactly what we are going to do.  Remember that our children have not had the life that yours have had - so we will be utilizing the research based adoptive family tools that we have been given.  Yes.  We can tell you right now that we will RESPOND to our children more frequently than you would respond to yours.  That is an adoption tool - and we are NOT afraid to use it. ;)  


Adoption is MUCH more than the process we have experienced in the past year.  It is a life long commitment to parenting our children in the best manner possible.  We are just SO thankful to have each of you in our lives to love, encourage, and model those Christlike virtues for our children.  Thank you for reading and adapting along with our family.  

Here is hoping we hear good news very soon! 


*Some of this blog has been taken from our FAVORITE BLOGGER - Jenn Hatmaker - This is the entire post.... http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village
Also - please note that our bonding definition was excerpted from "The Adoption Glossary"