Confessions of an adoptive Mama...

Hello all...I just returned from an AMAZING trip to Savannah and New Smyrna Beach where I was able to rest and relax and get away from every day life.  I mean - pretty much able to get away - well maybe for two days I didn't think about adoption, infertility, babies, etc... It was a glorious two days.  The point that I want to make is that it NEVER goes away.  It just doesn't.  Adoption is similar to infertility treatments in the fact that you wake up each day and do your best to face it.  As much as I KNOW that we are on the right path, it doesn't stop those doubts from drifting through my head every day or the hope that MAYBE this month a miracle happened...Here is the truth.  Since we got the information about our class being postponed, I have been wallowing.  It was the first "bump" in the adoption road and I completely LOST all hope.  I convinced myself that this might not even really happen. I have been angry.  I have been depressed.  I did not want to face anyone.  I was a bomb waiting to explode.  My poor amazing understanding incredibly supportive husband stood by me in the midst of this agony.  I have tried to pray or read the bible or embrace God's goodness and faithfulness and grace - it just wasn't working.  On our 6 hour drive back to TN, Chad and I had a serious talk and I realized how desperately I needed to break through this.  I just honestly didn't know how. How do I deal with this brokenness and loss of hope?  I really didn't have an answer - I just knew something had to change.  So we got home, unpacked and resumed our normal life... And believe me - we hit the ground running.  
        Today I got a wake up call.  God is real.  He is good.  He does have a plan.  This call came at a most unexpected time.  I left to pick up some AMAZING food from my friend Shannon who runs a DELICIOUS business called DINNER TIME DIVAS.  Check out her facebook page -

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1482439907&sk=info#!/pages/Dinnertime-Divas-Freezer-Meals/227471410609282 

ANYWAY - I went in to pick up my food (did I mention Shannon has a beautiful adopted daughter?) .  Shannon asked me about our adoption - and I was honest about how I was feeling.  It was incredibly refreshing to hear someone who has been through this emotionally challenging journey confirm that God IS still in it.  I found hope in her words-encouragement for our journey.  She reminded me of something SO important.  NO-MATTER-WHAT at the end of this journey is a baby waiting for the Chalos family.  A baby that God ordained for us.  Her words helped to heal my crushed spirit.  They lifted me.  They were what I needed.  God works through people sometimes - and today he worked through Shannon.  I got myself together and began my drive back home.  After several moments of reflection of what just happened and how God was at the center of it - I called Chad.  Here is the most amazing part of all - At the exact time that I was at Shannon's getting our food - Chad was spending time in prayer - asking God to be with ME.  God heard him.  GOD HEARD US.  HE IS STILL LISTENING.  Thank you GOD for not giving up on me as easily as I give up my faith and hope in you. 
      So I will start over AGAIN!  I am sure this is not the last time my faith will falter.  I will do my best to trust in him and his will in this journey. I revisited the study of Esther by Beth Moore for a little renewal tonight.  I was reminded of this important statement by Beth :

        "Faith is putting God in every fill in the blank in our lives and if we seek Him, He will find us."

What a beautiful statement! 

So I just ask for your continued prayers for us as we continue on this journey.  The next few months are going to be yet another test of faith and patience.  Pray that we are able to fill our blanks with him.