A different kind of Christmas

I am honestly not sure how to write this.  So many of you have been so incredibly supportive and loving, and have lifted us up in prayer.  We need that now more than ever.  We received a call yesterday - a call that knocked the air out of us - the smiles off of our faces - and stole the joy from our hearts.  Yesterday our beautiful sweet perfect little Hadiya Claira went home to be with Jesus.  We don't have many details, except that they think she just stopped breathing and are declaring it a case of SIDS.  We are so sad.  We are angry.  We are confused.  Why? Why did this have to happen?  For now there are no answers - no relief - no way to say goodbye.  We covet your prayers as we put all of our effort into getting through each day.  We are clinging to the love and hope of a God who is abundantly more than we can ask or imagine.

The Call

We have found it so very strange to hear people write about "the call" - mostly because our experience has been very different.  We have had MANY calls - prayed over several children - and were even on the path to becoming a family of FOUR - when our plans were changed by a whole host of different circumstances.  As much as we could sit and dwell on the sadness of our "change of plans" - there is MUCH to be thankful for.  Guess what?! We have a little girl. God's Gift to us.  Her American name is Hadiya Claira.  She is  perfect.in. every.way.  She has the most darling cheeks - the cutest hair - and is already accessorizing.  She is our perfect match.  We are in the process of signing our official referral papers.  So what is next?    We are happy to say that we have a date with US Immigration next Wednesday.  After that, our paperwork will finish being translated and make its way to the Congolese Embassy.  Once we are approved through the embassy - our Congolese lawyers will begin the lengthy process of working our adoption through their court system.  This is the longest part of the entire process. Once we have made it through court, we will get a call requesting our presence for an adoption court date - That means - GET ON THE PLANE AND COME GET YOUR DAUGHTER. We are anxiously and prayerful awaiting that day.

Although this week has been FULL of ups and downs (Did we mention it is only Wednesday?) - We know God is working so clearly in our lives.  He is giving us the grace that we need to get through each day.  We feel so humbled by his abundant blessings. We feel unworthy of our incredible support system.  How did we get so lucky to call many of you friends?!?!  Thank you just doesn't seem enough - but it is all we have for now.  Until you get a chance to pinch those little cheeks and look into those eyes....Oh...WE CAN'T WAIT!!

Wow...It's been awhile...

We got news. Great news.  News that changed us - forever- BUT we want to cross our i's and dot our t's before we release that amazingly wondrous news to the blog world.  So instead we want to share how life changing this process is.  Today most of our church family heard a small tidbit of our news - and it was incredible.  There are no words to express how vital and important our support system is in our life.  Today we got to see smiles, cheers, tears, GENUINE happiness on so many faces.  IT.WAS.INCREDIBLE.  Thank you for walking beside us on this journey, cheering us on in the valleys, and shouting with us from the mountain tops.  We have no idea why you love us so - or are supporting us unfailingly - but we are just more than thankful.


We found this terrific article (via the fabulous Robin Jewett)  on Jen Hatmaker's Blog http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village.  Although we are on a cloud nine right now from our super news- we realize reality will soon kick in.  So this article is about that reality - the next few months in our journey - and we found it to be so incredibly hilarious and true.  If you will, take a minute - read it.  You'll be glad you did. :) We love you guys.

Supporting Families Before the Airport

Your friends are adopting. They’re in the middle of dossiers and home studies, and most of them are somewhere in the middle of Waiting Purgatory. Please let me explain something about WP: It sucks in every way. Oh sure, we try to make it sound better than it feels by using phrases like “We’re trusting in God’s plan” and “God is refining me” and “Sovereignty trumps my feelings” and crazy bidness like that. But we are crying and aching and getting angry and going bonkers when you’re not watching. It’s hard. It hurts. It feels like an eternity even though you can see that it is not. It is harder for us to see that, because many of us have pictures on our refrigerators of these beautiful darlings stuck in an orphanage somewhere while we’re bogged down in bureaucracy and delays. 

How can you help? By not saying or doing these things:

1. “God’s timing is perfect!” (Could also insert: “This is all God’s plan!” “God is in charge!”) As exactly true as this may be, when you say it to a waiting parent, we want to scratch your eyebrows off and make you eat them with a spoon. Any trite answer that minimizes the struggle is as welcomed as a sack of dirty diapers. You are voicing something we probably already believe while not acknowledging that we are hurting and that somewhere a child is going to bed without a mother again. Please never say this again. Thank you.

2. “Are you going to have your own kids?” (Also in this category: “You’ll probably get pregnant the minute your adoption clears!” “Since this is so hard, why don’t you just try to have your own kids?” “Well, at least you have your own kids.”) The subtle message here is: You can always have legitimate biological kids if this thing tanks. It places adoption in the Back-up Plan Category, where it does not belong for us. When we flew to Ethiopia with our first travel group from our agency, out of 8 couples, we were the only parents with biological kids. The other 7 couples chose adoption first. Several of them were on birth control. Adoption counts as real parenting, and if you believe stuff Jesus said, it might even be closer to the heart of God than regular old procreation. (Not to mention the couples that grieved through infertility already. So when you say, “Are you going to have your own kids?” to a woman who tried for eight years, then don’t be surprised if she pulls your beating heart out like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.)

3. For those of you in Christian community, it is extremely frustrating to hear: “Don’t give up on God!” or “Don’t lose faith!” It implies that we are one nanosecond away from tossing our entire belief system in the compost pile because we are acting sad or discouraged. It’s condescending and misses the crux of our emotions. I can assure you, at no point in our story did we think about kicking Jesus to the curb, but we still get to cry tears and feel our feelings, folks. Jesus did. And I’m pretty sure he went to heaven when he died. 

4. We’re happy to field your questions about becoming a transracial family or adopting a child of another race, but please don’t use this moment to trot out your bigotry. (Cluelessness is a different thing, and we try to shrug that off. Like when someone asked about our Ethiopian kids, “Will they be black?” Aw, sweet little dum-dum.) The most hurtful thing we heard during our wait was from a black pastor who said, “Whatever you do, don’t change their last name to Hatmaker, because they are NOT Hatmakers. They’ll never be Hatmakers. They are African.” What the??? I wonder if he’d launch the same grenade if we adopted white kids from Russia? If you’d like to know what we’re learning about raising children of another race or ask respectful, legitimate questions, by all means, do so. We care about this and take it seriously, and we realize we will traverse racial landmines with our family. You don’t need to point out that we are adopting black kids and we are, in fact, white. We’ve actually already thought of that.

5. Saying nothing is the opposite bad. I realize with blogs like this one, you can get skittish on how to talk to a crazed adopting Mama without getting under her paper-thin skin or inadvertently offending her. I get it. (We try hard not to act so hypersensitive. Just imagine that we are paper-pregnant with similar hormones surging through our bodies making us cry at Subaru commercials just like the 7-month preggo sitting next to us. And look at all this weight we’ve gained. See?) But acting like we’re not adopting or struggling or waiting or hoping or grieving is not helpful either. If I was pregnant with a baby in my belly, and no one ever asked how I was feeling or how much longer or is his nursery ready or can we plan a shower, I would have to audition new friend candidates immediately. 

Here’s what we would love to hear Before the Airport:

1. Just kind, normal words of encouragement. Not the kind that assume we are one breath away from atheism. Not the kind that attempt to minimize the difficulties and tidy it all up with catchphrases. We don’t actually need for you to fix our wait. We just want you to be our friend and acknowledge that the process is hard and you care about us while we’re hurting. That is GOLD. I was once having lunch with my friend Lynde when AWAA called with more bad news about Ben’s case, and I laid my head down on the table in the middle of Galaxy Café and bawled. Having no idea what to do with such a hot mess, she just cried with me. Thank you for being perfect that day, Lynde. 

2. Your questions are welcomed! We don’t mind telling you about the court system in Ethiopia or the in-country requirements in Nicaragua or the rules of the foster system. We’re glad to talk about adoption, and we’re thankful you care. I assure you we didn’t enter adoption lightly, so sharing details of this HUGE PIECE OF OUR LIVES is cathartic. Plus, we want you to know more because we’re all secretly hoping you’ll adopt later. (This is not true.) (Yes it is.)

3. When you say you’re praying for us and our waiting children, and you actually really are, not only does that soothe our troubled souls, but according to Scripture, it activates the heavens. So pray on, dear friends. Pray on. That is always the right thing to say. And please actually do it. We need people to stand in the gap for us when we are too tired and discouraged to keep praying the same words another day. 

4. If you can, please become telepathic to determine which days we want to talk about adoption and which days we’d rather you just show up on our doorstep with fresh figs from the Farmer’s Market (thanks, Katie) or kidnap us away in the middle of the day to go see Bridesmaids. Sometimes we need you to make us laugh and remember what it feels like to be carefree for a few hours. If you’re not sure which day we’re having, just pre-buy movie tickets and show up with the figs, and when we answer the door, hold them all up and ask, “Would you like to talk for an hour uninterrupted about waiting for a court date?” We’ll respond to whichever one fits. 

Supporting Families After the Airport

You went to the airport. The baby came down the escalator to cheers and balloons. The long adoption journey is over and your friends are home with their new baby / toddler / twins / siblings / teenager. Everyone is happy. Maybe Fox News even came out and filmed the big moment and “your friend” babbled like an idiot and didn’t say one constructive word about adoption and also she looked really sweaty during her interview. (Really? That happened to me too. Weird.) 

How can you help? By not saying or doing these things: 

1. I mean this nicely, but don’t come over for awhile. Most of us are going to hole up in our homes with our little tribe and attempt to create a stable routine without a lot of moving parts. This is not because we hate you; it’s because we are trying to establish the concept of “home” with our newbies, and lots of strangers coming and going makes them super nervous and unsure, especially strangers who are talking crazy language to them and trying to touch their hair. 

2. Please do not touch, hug, kiss, or use physical affection with our kids for a few months. We absolutely know your intentions are good, but attachment is super tricky with abandoned kids, and they have had many caregivers, so when multiple adults (including extended family) continue to touch and hold them in their new environment, they become confused about who to bond with. This actually delays healthy attachment egregiously. It also teaches them that any adult or stranger can touch them without their permission, and believe me, many adoptive families are working HARD to undo the damage already done by this position. Thank you so much for respecting these physical boundaries. 

3. For the next few months, do not assume the transition is easy. For 95% of us, it so is not. And this isn’t because our family is dysfunctional or our kids are lemons, but because this phase is so very hard on everyone. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to constantly hear: “You must be so happy!” and “Is life just so awesome now that they’re here??” and “Your family seems just perfect now!” I wanted that to be true so deeply, but I had no idea how to tell you that our home was actually a Trauma Center. (I did this in a passive aggressive way by writing this blog, which was more like “An Open Letter to Everyone Who Knows Us and Keeps Asking Us How Happy We Are.”) Starting with the right posture with your friends – this is hard right now – will totally help you become a safe friend to confide in / break down in front of / draw strength from. 

4. Do not act shocked if we tell you how hard the early stages are. Do not assume adoption was a mistake. Do not worry we have ruined our lives. Do not talk behind our backs about how terribly we’re doing and how you’re worried that we are suicidal. Do not ask thinly veiled questions implying that we are obviously doing something very, very wrong. Do not say things like, “I was so afraid it was going to be like this” or “Our other friends didn’t seem to have these issues at all.” Just let us struggle. Be our friends in the mess of it. We’ll get better. 

5. If we’ve adopted older kids, please do not ask them if they “love America so much” or are “so happy to live in Texas.” It’s this simple: adoption is born from horrible loss. In an ideal world, there would be no adoption, because our children would be with their birth families, the way God intended. I’ll not win any points here, but I bristle when people say, “Our adopted child was chosen for us by God before the beginning of time.” No he wasn’t. He was destined for his birth family. God did not create these kids to belong to us. He didn’t decide that they should be born into poverty or disease or abandonment or abuse and despair aaaaaaaall so they could finally make it into our homes, where God intended them to be. No. We are a very distant Plan B. Children are meant for their birth families, same as my biological kids were meant for mine. Adoption is one possible answer to a very real tragedy… after it has already happened, not before as the impetus for abandonment. There is genuine grief and sorrow when your biological family is disrupted by death and poverty, and our kids have endured all this and more. So when you ask my 8-year-old if he is thrilled to be in Texas, please understand that he is not. He misses his country, his language, his food, his family. Our kids came to us in the throes of grief, as well they should. Please don’t make them smile and lie to you about how happy they are to be here. 

6. Please do not disappear. If I thought the waiting stage was hard, it does not even hold the barest candle to what comes after the airport. Not. The. Barest. Candle. Never have I felt so isolated and petrified. Never have I been so overwhelmed and exhausted. We need you after the airport way more than we ever needed you before. I know you’re scared of us, what with our dirty hair and wild eyes and mystery children we’re keeping behind closed doors so they don’t freak out more than they already have, but please find ways to stick around. Call. Email. Check in. Post on our Facebook walls. Send us funny cards. Keep this behavior up for longer than six days. 

Here’s what we would love to hear or experience After the Airport:

1. Cook for your friends. Put together a meal calendar and recruit every person who even remotely cares about them. We didn’t cook dinners for one solid month, and folks, that may have single handedly saved my sanity. There simply are not words to describe how exhausting and overwhelming those first few weeks are, not to mention the lovely jetlag everyone came home with. And if your friends adopted domestically right up the street, this is all still true, minus the jetlag. 

2. If we have them, offer to take our biological kids for an adventure or sleepover. Please believe me: their lives just got WHACKED OUT, and they need a break, but their parents can’t give them one because they are 1.) cleaning up pee and poop all day, 2.) holding screaming children, 3.) spending all their time at doctors’ offices, and 4.) falling asleep in their clothes at 8:15pm. Plus, they are in lockdown mode with the recently adopted, trying to shield them from the trauma that is Walmart. 

3. Thank you for getting excited with us over our little victories. I realize it sounds like a very small deal when we tell you our kindergartener is now staying in the same room as the dog, but if you could’ve seen the epic level of freakoutedness this dog caused her for three weeks, you would understand that this is really something. When you encourage us over our incremental progress, it helps. You remind us that we ARE moving forward and these little moments are worth celebrating. If we come to you spazzing out, please remind us where we were a month ago. Force us to acknowledge their gains. Be a cheerleader for the healing process. 

4. Come over one night after our kids are asleep and sit with us on our porch. Let me tell you: we are all lonely in those early weeks. We are home, home, home, home, home. Good-bye, date nights. Good-bye, GNO’s. Good-bye, spontaneous anything. Good-bye, church. Good-bye, big public outings. Good-bye, community group. Good-bye, nightlife. So please bring some community to our doorstep. Bring friendship back into our lives. Bring adult conversation and laughter. And bring an expensive bottle of wine. 

5. If the shoe fits, tell adopting families how their story is affecting yours. If God has moved in you over the course of our adoption, whether before the airport or after, if you’ve made a change or a decision, if somewhere deep inside a fire was lit, tell us, because it is spiritual water on dry souls. There is nothing more encouraging than finding out God is using our families for greater kingdom work, beautiful things we would never know or see. We gather the holy moments in our hands every day, praying for eyes to see God’s presence, his purposes realized in our story. When you put more holy moments in our hands to meditate on, we are drawn deeper into the Jesus who led us here. 

Here’s one last thing: As you watch us struggle and celebrate and cry and flail, we also want you to know that adoption is beautiful, and a thousand times we’ve looked at each other and said, “What if we would’ve said no?” God invited us into something monumental and lovely, and we would’ve missed endless moments of glory had we walked away. We need you during these difficult months of waiting and transitioning, but we also hope you see that we serve a faithful God who heals and actually sets the lonely in families, just like He said He would. And even through the tears and tantrums (ours), we look at our children and marvel that God counted us worthy to raise them. We are humbled. We’ve been gifted with a very holy task, and when you help us rise to the occasion, you have an inheritance in their story; your name will be counted in their legacy. 

Because that day you brought us pulled pork tacos was the exact day I needed to skip dinner prep and hold my son on the couch for an hour, talking about Africa and beginning to bind up his emotional wounds. When you kidnapped me for two hours and took me to breakfast, I was at the very, very, absolute end that morning, but I came home renewed, able to greet my children after school with fresh love and patience. When you loved on my big kids and offered them sanctuary for a night, you kept the family rhythm in sync at the end of a hard week. 

Thank you for being the village. You are so important. 

A time of thanksgiving

The adoption process is one of many twists and turns.  We have had such a GREAT experience in every way so far.  Our home study is COMPLETE!! !:) HOORAY!! After the home study, we had to complete something called a "dossier".  This is the international paperwork part of the adoption.  We completed all paperwork, traveled to four different counties to have them notarized, and finally on Monday will be traveling to the state capital to have them notarize the dossier PLUS four copies.  The crazy part about this is that each certification cost a small amount.  Can I just tell you that God is preparing a way for us?  It is SO amazing.  After a little research, we were expecting the certification (minus the state authentication) to cost almost $1,000.00.  God put some amazingly generous people in our path.  Despite what it "should" have been - Our grand total for county certification is 205.00.  That is such a God thing.  He has such an undeniable presence in all of this.  I feel so humbled and NOT even CLOSE to being worthy of the blessings that he is pouring out.  So many of our friends are experiencing loss and the pain of infertility - I pray everyday that God will give them peace and endurance and blessings.  I thank God everyday for getting us through four years of bad news, sadness, pain, and heartache.  He is truly the source of hope and renewal.  I can't imagine a life without knowing him. 

Success

We have been searching for the right words all week to say THANK YOU to everyone who had a hand in the adoption arts and crafts bazaar this past weekend.  There is no way to name everyone who had a hand but we do have to say a special thank you to our church - The Grace Place - for providing support beyond anything we could have imagined.  Also a HUGE  THANK YOU to the JONES and COTTRELL families.  These are the people who have become our family - who took days off to make this possible - who spent countless hours planning, setting up, and tearing down.  We love you guys!!!

So take a look at the amazing memories we made this weekend....

Part of the set up and take down and basically MAKE THIS CRAFT FAIR happen crew.  Avery is so over this day.  He was such a trooper!

Thanks to our family who came up and down - Kim and Mitch - you should be in this picture. 

Love all of you. 

The cake pop table plus a few of my favorite people.

Willow House - and the sweetest vendor/friend ever

The fabulous ladies of The Grace Place - working the welcome table.

A little info about our adoption

These Ugandan Magazine necklaces are
 helping fund our adoption.

What would I EVER do without these ladies????

Our fearless leader - Pastor Tommy Dove

Having a little fun - how cute is that hat????

My sweet co-workers coming out to support Baby Chalos

Before I give you a grand total - I also have to say a thank you to my sweet friends Jamie, Kelli, and Katie for working my school craft fair to help raise funds.  You guys are so incredible.  Thank you!  

okay - so  - DRUM ROLL PLEASE........................................ 

Our grand total  is  $3862.00

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

God is so good.  He is showing us over and over how he is in control and has such a plan. 

Lots of love,

Chad and Kristle

UpCoMiNg EvEnTs

Upcoming Fundraisers

Tonight we worked on our "Have a Hand in Bringing Baby Chalos Home" fundraiser.  The canvas is all ready for your fingerprints.  20.00 donation FOR Light Green fingerprints and 50.00 donation for Dark Green.  You will also sign your name on a paper that will be placed on the back of the canvas.  The painting will hang in Baby Chalos' nursery.  Here are some pics of us getting the painting ready...

Priming the Canvas

Chad working on the trunk

A finished product - MINUS ALL OF YOUR FINGERPRINTS - We are SO excited!!!

Also don't forget the Adoption Arts and Crafts Bazaar is happening on November 5th from 8am to 5pm at Grace Place COG on Central Pike in Hermitage.  We have 18+ vendors and some yummy food.  This is a SUPER opportunity for holiday shopping.  Also on the same day, my school - ELZIE PATTON ELEMENTARY - is having an arts and crafts expo.  They have been incredibly supportive and asked us to be a part SO we will also have a booth at the expo.  At both fairs we are so excited to be selling Ugandan Magazine Necklaces.  They are BEAUTIFUL and go to an amazing cause.  Read more about them below...

147 Million Orphans is honored to share the story of our sisters in Uganda who hand make these necklaces from recycled paper. They roll the beads by hand, dip them in varnish, and thread them onto the string. Prior to learning how to make these beads, most of the women "picked trash" or turned to prostitution to provide for their children.
By purchasing these necklaces, you help a mother earn make a sustainable income to provide for her family. We are also proud to donate to Amazima Ministries' feeding program from the profits of these necklaces. The feeding program, run by Katie Davis, provides food to children and their families in the same area of Uganda. It is a beautiful, full circle story of the body of Christ.

Visit http://www.147millionorphans.com/ for more information.  They are an AMAZING organization!!!!

There are so many super fundraisers that we have the honor of hosting to bring baby Chalos home.  A MAJOR thanks to our friends who are the working hands behind these fundraisers.  Also, Thank you to the endless amount of friends, family, and even strangers who are helping us bring our baby home - whether it is through prayers, monetary donations, or labor during our fundraisers.  We have no words for the excitement that we wake up with every day - knowing that very soon we will be holding our sweet baby - knowing that they will soon be provided with all the meals, medical needs, and love that they need. 

Lots of Love,

The Chalos'

This is it...

I can't believe that I am writing this but -

TOMORROW IS OUR FINAL HOME  STUDY VISIT!!!!! 

WHAT?!?!?! We are so pumped and just truly overwhelmed by how this process is progressing.  God has had such a hand in this from the beginning and we are trusting him to see it through.  This is a major hurdle that we are about to leap tomorrow.  Many friends and family have asked - what happens after the home study? After our last visit - TOMORROW (Did I mention that???) - Our amazing social worker will begin to compile all of her findings about the Chalos family into one document.  It can be anywhere from 10-18 pages(even more for some families).  She then submits the document to a long list of people to read and adjust as necessary.  Once it is completely approved, we will then be submitting it to immigration for approval - along with other paperwork.  There are SO many other details involved in this process - like our international paperwork for Congo (also known as a dossier) - visa application - submission of the dossier to Congolese government - etc... 

CAUTION - THIS NEXT PART IS VERY TRULY AWESOMELY EXCITING....

Right now we are asking for your prayers because the next step is the most incredible so far - The next step is called "the referral" - that means we are waiting to be matched with our child.  We are waiting for the day when they call us and tell us that they have a match - and that they have pictures and we get to lay eyes on our child for the first time - I truly can't imagine what that day will be like.  We have waited for so long - OVER FOUR YEARS - for this perfect child that God has in store for us.  But God is working on us.  He is growing a love for this child inside of us that is indescribable. I already LOVE this child.  I do.  and seriously - you should hear Chad talk about this child that he doesn't even know - that he loves - more than it seems humanly possible. So as tough as it is some days, we will wait with a smile and a growing love for Baby Chalos.   The orphanage that our agency works with does have waiting children - so we may not have to wait long - or we may be waiting for quite some time - adoption is like that.  It requires a patient heart - make that TWO patient hearts.  We are working on that.

I have truly realized in the past several days - that God isn't just providing the Chalos' with the family that they have only dreamed of - he has placed a desire - a passion - on our hearts for the MANY children in this world that go to sleep hungry - lacking the love, compassion, and gentle touch that they deserve.  This desire and passion - I pray that it will never die.  I pray that we will never be satisfied with the numbers of growing orphans - who need food, clean water, life skills, a family to love them - to be Jesus to them.  God is so amazing.  He has such unconditional love that he would adopt us all into his family.  Oh that we could have SUCH love and courage!!! 

I feel really blessed that God has just allowed multiple people to walk into our lives who are on a similar road.  One of these couples just shared this adoption news with the world this week - and I want to share it with you.  They love Jesus ALOT - and they are going to be INCREDIBLE parents.  So if you get a chance take a tour of their blog - join them in prayer and if you can - help them bring their baby home. 

                                        http://lubiensadoption.wordpress.com/


Thank you for your unending love, prayers, and support!!! Don't forget - MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 5th - and come join us at our adoption craft fair. 

Lots of love,
The Chalos'

Orphan Sunday

Looking over our past blogs, I am realizing that we have written a LOT about ourselves and adding to our family.  What we are doing - well - there is a child on the other end of this miraculous journey.  A child who is living with very little - who is getting less than acceptable medical care - who deserves a family to love them and hug them and provide a happy ending for them. 


Hope is Fading – Orphan Sunday from Allan Rosenow on Vimeo.





November 6 is Orphan Sunday.  Help us raise aware and make a difference.

The Next Step...

Hello friends, Chad here.  We are excited to tell you that our second round of paperwork has been submitted, and we are currently working on our next round.  We have also added a new feature to our site that we would like you to consider.  As you know, the adoption process can seem like a financial impossibility at first glance.  As an adoptive parent you wonder, how will I ever be able to bring my child home from a third world country where they have little or no access to clean water, food, and medical supplies?  It brings to mind images that we are all familiar with; malnourished children, scared and alone, with no parents or families and with little hope of a future.  It's a picture we've all seen and a heartbreaking reality to consider.  It's even more heartbreaking to know that right now, one of those children belongs to us.  When you look into those sad scared eyes you are looking into the eyes of our child. So here is my proposition to you.  On the right side of our page you will see a new Subscribe button with a drop down menu.  Just as you would sponsor a child from one of these aid organizations, we are asking you to sponsor our child so that we can bring them home and give them a life they could never have.  You can do this by selecting one of the three options in the drop down menu, typing your first and last name in the box below and then selecting the Subscribe button.  When the page refreshes, you can use your credit/debit card or personal Paypal account to make 6 monthly donations of the amount you selected.  This amount will then be automatically debited from your account once a month for the next six month. At the end of the six months the deductions will automatically stop. 

God has provided us with the perfect monetary amount at just the right times during this adoption.  We trust that he will walk with us and provide the next $10,000 by the November due date.  If you would like to be a part of this amazing journey you now have MANY ways to contribute.  You can use the Subscribe button to donate to our adoption monthly, you can use the Donate button to give a onetime amount, you can support us at our Nov. 5^th craft fair, or you can “have a hand” in bringing baby C home.  Either way you are making a difference.  You are giving a child a life they could have never imagined and helping us become the family that we have longed for these past 4 years.  Thanks for your continued support, prayers, and love in this process.

Busy Busy Busy

So it has been a few days since our last post and we have lots going on in our lives.  We both have very rewarding jobs that require a bit more than your average 40 hour work week.  Chad is in school, and I have taken on the role as fundraising coordinator in our family.  Along with all of this "busy"ness is the fun stuff - We are SOOOO excited to have met another couple in our area that are also adopting.  Because we are all in this process together - we decided to make it a group trip to our first parenting class.  Not only was the jimmy johns DELICIOUS before the meeting - I mean, am I right or am I RIGHT?? :) - but it was a fabulous couple of hours that were spent listening to an adopted children's and adult panel.  Many perspectives were presented and in the end, we left with lots to think about.  After the meeting, we met with our social worker to discuss our first home visit and our next round of paperwork.  YEAH!!! :) So we are having our first home visit this Wednesday - if you think about it - say a little prayer - for calm nerves - quiet hearts - and loads of laughter and understanding.  We will be spending the weekend in two frames of mind - the first will be a mad dash to clean every nook and cranny of this house (as if we haven't been doing that for the past month) - the second is a focus on our next VERY EXCITING fundraiser.  If you haven't heard, our fabulous small group and church is hosting a craft fair!! We are in the process of recruiting vendors to come and sell their wares SO if you know of ANYONE - I MEAN ANYONE who is crafty - Send them our way.  Booth rental is 25.00 if you donate an item to the silent auction - and who doesn't love a good silent auction?  Entry to the craft fair is by donation - and we will have a table at the craft fair so you can come and meet us (if you don't know us yet), and then go on your merry way  to enjoy a day of shopping, eating, etc... One fundraiser (within a fundraiser) that we are doing starting NOW and going until we bring baby C home is called "HAVE A HAND in bringing me home" - basically we will be hanging a large painting of a tree in the room - the leaves of the tree will be fingerprints of anyone and everyone who is willing to participate - $ 20.00 to use your very own fingerprints to create light green leaves, $50.00 to use your very own fingerprints to create dark green leaves.  We are so excited to have a representation of all of the people who had a hand in helping us bring Baby Chalos or Baby Chali (lol - that is my version of multiple adopted Chalos children) home from Africa.  Thank you for all of your prayers and endless support.  What would we do without you?  
Much Love,
The Chalos'

Bumps in the adoption road...

                                                                                                                                                                  

So we have barely begun this crazy process and already we are getting to experience our first hurdle.  After countless hours of paperwork (now I know why they say you are "paper pregnant") and a visit to our doctor in order to fill out our medical forms, and a visit to get a local criminal background check, and a total written overview of our financial situation, well I could go on but you get the point..., we got a call last week that we needed to fax our medical letters over asap.  As it turns out because of a medical issue, the Congo may declare us ineligible to adopt from their region.  Of course, our heart sank to the bottom of our feet when we got this call.  I mean - we were definitely prepared for some bumps - but one this early - was honestly shocking.  So basically at this point we are just staying on our knees.  We know that he is carving this path for us so that he can walk it with us.  In the midst of our prayers - our house has decided to revolt against us as we prepare it for the homestudy - broken water heater, leaky pipes, etc... - Did I mention that all of that happened while our parents were in town?  They got to experience firsthand the insane emotions the come along with this experience.  After a new water heater and a good report from a house expert on our leaky situation - We got even better news today.  We will be able to go ahead with our Congo adoption. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is in this with us.  There is a BEAUTIFULLY AMAZING blessing at the end of this road for us - and for many of you!  I have no idea how tall he/she/they will be, how round or skinny, how happy or serious, how loud or quiet - but I do know that God has something spectacular planned and I am so excited to meet him/her/them and hold them and count my blessings everyday. 

SO FINALLY we get to mail the completed official paperwork  - tomorrow.  I can't wait.  You better BELIEVE there will be photographs capturing that moment!! Thank you for the MANY of you who have prayed for us.  God hears you.  Clearly.

I will leave you will a birds eye view of the country in which our beautiful child/children may abide at this very moment...

With the most sincere love and gratitude,

The Chalos'

Psalms 84:11, "For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly."

So...

Let's just say prayers would be appreciated.  We will blog about it at a later date.  Thank you for your never ending support and encouragement.

1 O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Psalm 143:1

THE BIG NEWS

Two weekends ago we had our yard sale.  It was a HUGE success and we can’t say thank you enough to everyone who donated, assisted, and participated in the event.   When we planned the yard sale we knew that it would impact our financial situation for the adoption, but we didn’t know the other ways it would affect our journey.  Throughout the day we had many visitors.  We had the opportunity to spend time with old friends and make some new ones.  We even had the chance to hear some great adoption stories and words of encouragement.  One story (two actually) had a profound effect on us. 

     Mid way through the day Friday as Chad was picking up more donated items, a mother with her daughter and beautiful baby boy stopped by.  As they browsed, the mother, Rhonda, inquired about our adoption journey.  I began to tell her our story.  Now, for those of you who have been with us since the beginning of our adoption journey, you know that we have always a special place in our heart for the children of Africa.  If you are just joining us, we have a special place in our heart for Africa.  Now that we are all on the same page, I will continue the story.  As I told Rhonda about our passion for adoption, I mentioned that we had initially wanted to adopt from Africa.  Through a series of events, mostly agencies telling us that it would take 4-6 years to adopt from the area, we came to rest on the idea of domestic adoption.  As I spoke I could see Rhonda’s expression chance.  Her eyes widened with a look of mild shock and I could tell she was trying to hold back her comments until I was finished.  When I finished telling her she quickly replied, “Really?!?!  That’s not what happened to me at all.”  Rhonda’s beautiful son is from Ethiopia and has been a part of their family for two years.  Almost as soon as the story was finished, Rhonda was back in the car and unbeknownst to me, on the phone giving our address to her friend Gwen who has also adopted from Ethiopia and is in the process of her second Ethiopian adoption.  As it happened, Gwen was only a few blocks away (He knows our every thought - every path - every minute of the day he has a plan for us).  She came by and shared her own encouraging story and information about an email she had just received from their agency stating that Ethiopian boys who were adopted now could be home within a year. She gave us the information of the agency she was using and was on her way. Imagine my shock when both of these ladies told me their amazing stories of speedy adoptions from a part of the world that was supposedly so hard to adopt from. 

     When Chad returned he walked into a barrage of information.   After telling him everything I had learned we both sat under the carport with our minds reeling, but not for long.  Shortly after we sat to regain our thoughts, Rhonda was back in our driveway with a message.  Rhonda said to us “I hope I don’t offend you by saying this, but I felt like when you told me you were adopting domestically you were trying to convince someone, and that person wasn’t me.  I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe in God’s providence.  I believe that God has something bigger planned for you.”  She topped it if by telling us that by looking at our shirts she knew that we were adopting from Africa.   This conversation was a surprise to say the least.  It also spurred some long talks and many hours of prayer.  Finally we decided that in order to make an informed decision,we needed to have more information.  Chad called the number that Gwen gave us and spoke with a placement agent.  She promptly sent him information about Ethiopia as well as the Democratic Republic of Congo.  As we poured over and prayed over information from the agency, one thing became abundantly clear to us- there is a HUGE need for adoption in Africa, specifically in the Democratic Republic of Congo.  That is why we are excited to announce…

that we are adopting from the Democratic Republic of Congo!!!  

We have already started paperwork, filed information for our passports, and chosen a date for our home visit for our home study.  If all goes according to the timeline set by our agency (and let's be honest, things can go wrong with international adoption- but think positively) 

WE WILL BE PARENTS WITHIN NINE MONTHS.  

God is so good.  He is molding us and shaping our faith.  We have never felt closer to him. To God be the glory!!! 

so...

YEAH!!!

ALSO - Keep praying.  We have a LOT more money to raise.  We are trusting in His infinite plan.  

Thank you for hanging with us.  We can't wait until the day when we are able to post a picture of the THREE members of the Chalos family. 

Keeping it short and simple...

Yard sale was amazing.  God's providence is even more amazing.  BIG NEWS to come soon.  Keep the Chalos' in your prayers and get ready for some serious fundraising.  CRAFT FAIR on November 5th -Come one and come all.  If you are crafty or sell something fabulous - consider a booth. :) That's all for now. 

Wow - I am going to be SO prepared...

Hello all - Kristle here - just wanted to drop a line and say a few things. 
1. We are SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL for the terrific family and friends that we have been blessed with.  We could not do this without them.
2. I have been grumpy this week.  Maybe even a little bitter.  I mean - this yard sale is SERIOUS work - on top of my already full time job (that actually seems like 2 jobs at the moment) - on top of Chad's full time job - on top of Chad's full time school... Let's just say we are exhausted when we lay our heads down at night.  Lately I have been upset because we have to work SOOOO hard just to have a chance to have a family - and everyone around engages in well...you know...lets just say a pleasurable experience and BAM - they have a family.  Seriously.  Can you imagine what it is like to have to fund raise every other month? To ask friends and family and strangers for help bringing your baby home? AND WAAAA WAAA WAAA....
3. Now I know that I am being a total whiner.  I need to get over it.  Accept this path.  and I am really making progress in that way.  I am realizing that all of this practice in patience is preparing me to be a good Mom.  A patient and understanding Mom.  I am thankful for that. 
4.  So right now, my complaining will cease - because when I stop and really look at what God is doing in our life - WOW - he is providing in ways I could never have imagined.  He loves us - he is answering our prayers.  He has led us on life journeys to prepare us for this specific journey.  We have the tools and he is teaching us to use them.  We are living proof that he is the potter and we are the clay. 
So keep praying - THANK YOU for your amazing prayers and support - OH and COME TO OUR YARD SALE.  It will be SUPER fun. :)
*Slide show coming soon.  PLEASE send us your pictures of you in our shirt.  :)

What's New....

So SO happy to tell you that we called Agape (our adoption agency) on Friday and they informed us that they were most likely going to be moving our class up to SEPTEMBER.  HOOOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are SO SO happy! That means that we can get the ball rolling and get on their waiting list.  I know it is just a small thing - and actually means the beginning of more waiting, but we are psyched to get over this initial hump. 

   We also got to bring home our amazing furniture and begin the process of sanding and refinishing. The manager of the Salvation Army (on Nolensville Rd. - GO THERE - IT IS AMAZING.) was TERRIFIC and so helpful with this purchase, so I took her a shirt and we took a picture with her.  We want Baby C to know how very loved he/she was before he/she even came home...So here we are together - getting ready to load our purchase..

 It is going to be so fabulous, I can hardly stand it.  It is safe to say that this baby room will be the coolest room in our house.  When it is finished, I will do a final blog about it.  Also in happy news (even the smallest tidbits, right?) Some of our Tennessee adopted family were delivering some things for our yard sale and decided to walk across the street to a neighbors yard sale.  Amazingly enough, they had the exact car seat WITH BASE that I have been drooling over.  They are a little pricy on craigslist and at essex and DEFINITELY at target, so I wanted to wait until we were further along in this process.  HOWEVER they gave us an AMAZING deal - 25.00 for one car seat and base- and it is in perfect condition.  HOORAY!!!  so we took it and immediately tried it out with Heather's ADORABLE son, Avery.  It was a perfect fit.  SO happy.  Too bad I don't have a picture of that. :) You would SO love it. 

 Last of all - we are having a yard sale at our house on AUGUST 12TH AND 13TH - Invite everyone you know.  We have a little of everything.  You will definitely find something you just HAVE to have - and at such a deal - how can you pass it up??? :)

The things we do for love...

So I am trying to do a little blogging before school begins and I am distracted back into the world of pencils, tests, children, fun, and WORK.  I have to tell you that by choosing adoption (especially in our case), we had to choose a serious life style change in order to fund this journey (along with our awesome supporters through fundraising).  One way that we are working REALLY hard is by setting and sticking to a serious tight budget.  If you know anything about the homestudy process, then you are aware that you are opening your entire life to your agency.  ESPECIALLY your finances.  Now Chad and I have worked really hard to pay down a significant portion of our debt in the last few years but we still have a little left so we have a plan to pay it all off by the time our class comes around.  In order to do this, we have to budget every penny.  If you know Chad and I, you know that we love to shop (even if it is for a deal) and we are foodies - which means cooking lots of fun new things or going to new restaurants - both of which require a decent amount of investing.  SO I have worked really hard to become a couponer... Now prior to this, I definitely used coupons and shopped sales, but I am talking about hard core, buying 2 or 3 papers or coupons and spending some time plotting out sales and bogos - going to 2 or 5 stores to get what is on sale.  I had pretty good luck today so I thought I would share in my sales.... Here is a list of what I purchased...2 boxes of cheerios, 1 box of total, 1 box of fiber one cereal, 1 crest toothpaste, 1 6 count double rolled paper towels, 1 12 count toilet paper, 6 bags of steam fresh vegetables, 4 packets of tuna, 1 box of bakery cinnamin rolls, 1 bag frozen scallops, 1 bag frozen tilapia, 3 12 count can diet mt. dew (YUM), 2 2 liters of kroger brand soda, 2 bottles of pantene pro v shampoo, 1 bag of craisins, 2 bags of 15.5 lb Beneful Dog food... Total retail price 150.00 (If I would have paid regular prices) BUT with couponing and the deals on items at various stores, my total was $55.00.  Now I know that is no record for couponing wizards, but around the Chalos House, it was a fine day.  So here is a little picture some of my goodies...

We also use coupons for when we eat out and when we have date nights.  The city pass book is an awesome investment for these type of activities.  Also, we try to be aware of what fun things are going on around town - like FREE Friday night college nights at the Frist, or half off pizzas at Painturos on Tuesdays... We have been able to make it work without too much shopping and eating out withdrawal.  :)

What kind of things do you do around your house to save money?  I would love your input.

P.S. This adoption has been good for us in more ways than one.  :) 

Confessions of an adoptive Mama...

Hello all...I just returned from an AMAZING trip to Savannah and New Smyrna Beach where I was able to rest and relax and get away from every day life.  I mean - pretty much able to get away - well maybe for two days I didn't think about adoption, infertility, babies, etc... It was a glorious two days.  The point that I want to make is that it NEVER goes away.  It just doesn't.  Adoption is similar to infertility treatments in the fact that you wake up each day and do your best to face it.  As much as I KNOW that we are on the right path, it doesn't stop those doubts from drifting through my head every day or the hope that MAYBE this month a miracle happened...Here is the truth.  Since we got the information about our class being postponed, I have been wallowing.  It was the first "bump" in the adoption road and I completely LOST all hope.  I convinced myself that this might not even really happen. I have been angry.  I have been depressed.  I did not want to face anyone.  I was a bomb waiting to explode.  My poor amazing understanding incredibly supportive husband stood by me in the midst of this agony.  I have tried to pray or read the bible or embrace God's goodness and faithfulness and grace - it just wasn't working.  On our 6 hour drive back to TN, Chad and I had a serious talk and I realized how desperately I needed to break through this.  I just honestly didn't know how. How do I deal with this brokenness and loss of hope?  I really didn't have an answer - I just knew something had to change.  So we got home, unpacked and resumed our normal life... And believe me - we hit the ground running.  
        Today I got a wake up call.  God is real.  He is good.  He does have a plan.  This call came at a most unexpected time.  I left to pick up some AMAZING food from my friend Shannon who runs a DELICIOUS business called DINNER TIME DIVAS.  Check out her facebook page -

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1482439907&sk=info#!/pages/Dinnertime-Divas-Freezer-Meals/227471410609282 

ANYWAY - I went in to pick up my food (did I mention Shannon has a beautiful adopted daughter?) .  Shannon asked me about our adoption - and I was honest about how I was feeling.  It was incredibly refreshing to hear someone who has been through this emotionally challenging journey confirm that God IS still in it.  I found hope in her words-encouragement for our journey.  She reminded me of something SO important.  NO-MATTER-WHAT at the end of this journey is a baby waiting for the Chalos family.  A baby that God ordained for us.  Her words helped to heal my crushed spirit.  They lifted me.  They were what I needed.  God works through people sometimes - and today he worked through Shannon.  I got myself together and began my drive back home.  After several moments of reflection of what just happened and how God was at the center of it - I called Chad.  Here is the most amazing part of all - At the exact time that I was at Shannon's getting our food - Chad was spending time in prayer - asking God to be with ME.  God heard him.  GOD HEARD US.  HE IS STILL LISTENING.  Thank you GOD for not giving up on me as easily as I give up my faith and hope in you. 
      So I will start over AGAIN!  I am sure this is not the last time my faith will falter.  I will do my best to trust in him and his will in this journey. I revisited the study of Esther by Beth Moore for a little renewal tonight.  I was reminded of this important statement by Beth :

        "Faith is putting God in every fill in the blank in our lives and if we seek Him, He will find us."

What a beautiful statement! 

So I just ask for your continued prayers for us as we continue on this journey.  The next few months are going to be yet another test of faith and patience.  Pray that we are able to fill our blanks with him.